No one could have predicted.

Well, I guess torture was official policy. A few bad apples, huh? I like the strategy of completely losing any credibility whatsoever. That should not create any long term security issues. Who cares what anyone thinks about us. It's kind of funny that India can show more restraint against a hated rival (who were actually behind the massacre, unlike Iraq) than the "beacon of the world". I guess I'm just glib.

Maybe throw shoes at these, too.

Um, that is a camel spider that is indigenous to the Middle East. That would seem to be the real WMD. They also bite, which makes a wound too big to stitch as it would create an air bubble under the skin.

Three.

That is the current number of black coaches in D1 football. Auburn, when faced with hiring a new coach actually took a look at Turner Gill, who took a program at Buffalo that wasn't even playing football not so long ago to prominence. But instead took the safe choice (for the alumni) and hired a coach, Gene Chizik, who was 5-19 during his tenure at Iowa State. Fucking cowards, all. It will never change no matter what anyone says or does. Even if a black coach is given a chance his leash will be substantially shorter than a white coach (Ray Rhodes, anyone?). Update: Apparently there are four black coaches in D1. Oops, I take back everything now. The problem for Auburn wasn't neccessarily that Gill is black, it was that he is married to a white woman. Oh, that makes it all better now.

Jesus is back!

I read an interesting post here that is about the hype machine Tebow. Watching the SEC title game last weekend was nauseating. "Bronco Nagurski!". "Red Grange (oh really?)". "Best college player ever!" I think I understand better now when all the haters rip Madden, Peter King, etc. for Tebagging Favre. Except for the most wins, yards, touchdowns, comebacks, and MVP's part. All without a credible go-to guy. Yeah, totally overrated. But anyway, the article makes the case, correctly, that not only is Tebow not the best college QB ever, he probably is not even the best in the last 30 years. Tommy Frazier was a wee bit better, and he never won the Heisman. Tebow scores mostly from three yards or less. He is a horrible passer (I know, who throws a lot of TD's, from the one yard line.) But he is a good Christian man who circumcises poor children in other countries. What!??!! Why is that a virtue? It is a purely religious act (on his part, at least) that is completely unnecessary in terms of health of a person. I am all for circumcision (for dudes) but don't act like he is all of a sudden preventing malnutrition and third world disease. I am sure he is a great guy and teammate. I just hate that he is somehow held up as the greatest thing ever because he is basically a fullback who is great at short yardage sneaks and spreads the Word. The Heisman is a total joke now as it has evolved from an award to the best player in the nation to now where it is given to the best QB on the best team. What really blows is that for the past month I have had very little other than a passing interest in the college game because there is nothing exciting about its postseason. Boy, I wonder what they could show in the month between the end of the season and the title game? Certainly not what all divisions in college football except D1 or whatever they call themselves these days are up to. That would take these student-athletes out of class during their winter break. These dumbasses are really not thinking very long term about the game. Fuck The BCS.
Update: Dammit, it is early and I am an idiot. Tebow is not even the best QB this decade. Vince Young had the best game I have ever seen in the title game against USC with Leinart, Lendale, and Bush. He had 200 yards rushing and over 200 passing against what many felt was the best college team ever. He should have won the Heisman in 'O5, not Eric Metcalfe, I mean Reggie Bush. I love the ESPN/ABC Hype machine.

Interesting presser.

President To Face Down Monster Attack, Own Demons In Action-Packed Schedule
This would probably be a better alternative than what is really going to happen to the country.

Right up to your face and dis you!

Whenever I talk to a person of right leaning ways, I ask them if they would have supported the Civil Rights Act of 1964. Without fail they always say, "Of course I would have." They are always talking about how they are the party of Lincoln and how they freed the slaves. Which is of course so false it is laughable. The point I am trying to make here is this: These assholes, in 30 years, are going to be saying the same thing about Gay Marriage. Of course they would have been for it. I saw Jon Stewart interview Mike Huckabee (who is far more dangerous than Palin, IMO) and basically fillet all of his offensive arguments this week. Stewart rightly kept bringing up segregation and how that position was bolstered by religious types and the like. Huckabee tried to put forward that 60% of the country is against gay marriage. I bet in the height of the Civil Rights struggle public opinion was against it, as well. Probably more than 60%. Which is why ballot initiatives need to be off the table. If Civil Rights were put to that sort of thing, I doubt I would exist right now. That is why there is a Judicial branch. Sometimes the right thing to do is not the most popular thing at the time it is decided. I just hope we all remember what these assholes are trying to deny people, once again, rights most take for granted. So when they try to say in the future how they felt it was right to allow gays to get married I get to punch them in
their smug faces. I was for that the whole time.

He don't suffer fools.

Maybe Obama is being quiet on the Blagojevich issue because he has nothing to fucking say. Jesus Christ, it is 1998 all over again. It is almost like the last eight years of illegal war, showing indifference, at best, to prevent the largest terror attack in our history, outing secret agents for political gain, letting a major US city drown, doing nothing to forestall an economic disaster, pissing all over the Constitution, and completely dismantling the social safety net never happened. Those are small issues compared to blowjobs and land deals, amirite? OMG, Emanuel may have talked to Blagojevich, at one time, in the last 20 years. How could we ever trust again, what we will tell the children? Impeachment time, bitches.

Where a kid can be a kid?

I went to Chuck E. Cheese last week with Gracie and her niece and nephew for some pizza and fun, fun, fun. The place is a bit different than the last time I had been there approximately 20 years ago. I remember the first time I went, when it was Showbiz, and that place rocked. I was seven and it was located in Milwaukee. It was wall to wall arcade games and teenagers, who at that time were the coolest ever. It also may have been just gray with cigarette smoke, if I remember right. It was the best overstimulation a young boy could have. I played that game where you drive a moon rover and jumped over craters all night. It was great. A few years later, Showbiz turned into Chuck E. Cheese and the next time I went at 10 in GB, it had totally changed. There were only about 10 games and they were like, "Barbie's Dream Party." and "Constructively Solve Conflict." WTF? So, we all went and had a good time but I noticed something a bit disturbing other than no more Rockafire Explosion. While Grace and I were standing by the bowling game, watching the kids throw the ball into the lane five rows over, I saw that virtually every other adult was madly playing every game where tickets could be had. For their kids. So that they could get a more valuable worthless plastic trinket. We saw adults walking around with 20 foot long chains of tickets. It seems that is not the biggest issue at the CEC. Again, what the fuck? At the risk of getting all Andy Rooney on your ass, I really hate this new parenting style that is occurring all around me. It is very, weird and scary with all the helicoptering and "new discoveries". It is not even any more about, "All kids get a trophy." This is, "My kid is the best and I don't care if I have to cheat to make it so." All these poor children are going to grow up acting like they have goddamned Asperger's syndrome because of their stupid, overprotective parents. Dorks.

Quit bitin'!

I am no fan of Joe Klein, at all. In fact I think he has a spot right next to Judith Miller and Tom "6 months" Friedman in the journalist section of my "American Heroes" museum. But this week in Time he seems to be stealing my greatest post ever. The difference? I didn't need to go to motherfucking Afghanistan to see that we are not going to um, succeed in any of the vague objectives we didn't set out to to achieve. Again, anyone care to define what a "win" there is to me? One specific thing that I heavily, heavily disagree with Klein about in this article is his ideas on what it would take to turn it around (which cannot be done, he argues against himself earlier in the story). That is opium interdiction. Just like the drug war, you cannot stop trafficking anywhere unless you come up with the magical ability to stop demand from the countries illegal drugs are going to. No amount of Drugs=terrorist commercials are going to do that, only Merlin.

Fuck Ayn Rand(and his little bitch Greenspan, as well)*

The experiment failed. You free market, laissez faire motherfuckers had it just the way you dreamed for the last decade, maybe since 1980. Epic fail. I thought the market was like, so dreamy and perfect. I thought it was self regulating and corrected itself. The market is nothing like that big, bloated, waste of resources called government. Yeah, government sucks, until it bails your asses out so you can do the exact same thing again, with zero consequences. The government keeps doing all of these corporate stimulus packages to help these failures. Most economists are like, "Yeah, do this and watch the market go high as a kite." The market is still Shit City. Guess what, it was a catastrophe and you took us all down with you. I heard a couple months ago how the market average is "still higher than it was in 1998". What does that even mean? Oh, and how high is it now? But, but," you say, "It was all the fault of the banks giving loans to people who should not have them." I know what that argument is about, so I will give you lending to Blacks and how that 2-3% of loans brought the mortgage industry down. It had nothing to with an artificially high bubble whose only hope lay with the continued stupidity of people who thought that their investment could only get even more false value. But then I throw down the repeal of Glass-Steagall. Maybe letting investment banks and commercial banks do the same thing is not such a good idea, with the robbing Peter to pay Paul analogies. Regulations? Fuck 'em. We don't want to affect the market. Like it is living and breathing. Like it gives a flying fuck about anything. The market ain't so grand now, huh? No tax cuts for the Rich? Fuck 'em. I may get rich someday and I certainly don't want to get taxed like I used to be, harummph. Besides, wealth trickles down, right? They won't hire anyone if they have to pay too much in taxes. Um, I don't see a lot of hiring happening lately. The failed Big 3 bailout. Fuck 'em. What the Fuck? Ok, at first I was all like, "Ha ha, you fucking assholes that make 73.00 an hour to make a horrible product, invisible hand, Friedman, blah, blah, blah, you get what you deserve." Then I got past all of the bullshit, starting with the 73.00 dollar claim. God bless conservative think tanks. Where would we ever get misleading facts and figures from if not from these enemies of well, everything that does not directly benefit themselves? That dollar figure factors in a variety of ways. No one is taking home 73.00 per hour working on the line, I don't care if you have worked at Ford since the first Model T. The actual take home, at best, is 55.00 dollars an hour. Which is pretty great, but then you see the average at Honda or Toyota is 45.00 an hour using the same calculations. Fucking unions are ruining it for us all, with their fair retirement plans and wanting health care for the workers they represent. John Galt never got sick. I have neither the inclination or the "pay grade"(my favorite cop out both the old and new president have fell on) to get into how our excellent, efficient, and affordable private health care system is affecting that number. This whole thing was about busting unions in the north. Those are the two biggest bete noires of the right wing. Two birds with one stone. The southern lawmakers see Toyota and Honda putting more and more non-union plants there if Detroit fails. Which is further irony, seeing that those two were the ones who smartly made decisions as to what the product would be that actually anticipated forces beyond a year. Which actually means jobs which means the lawmakers can actually say they have done something policy wise, other than stop Adam and Steve. Why would they help people who do not vote for them, meaning the union workers in the north? It is now a regional party, of the south. This is punishment for making the GOP that way. Busting unions is a close second or equal to bombing Muslims, for them. I just find it so funny that the Big 3 gave so much in contributions to the GOP and this is the thanks they get. If it didn't send us further into the Depression I would be rolling. The right wing idealogy has been disproven again and again, on paper or as we now see, the real world. It just is hilarious in a I'm stabbing myself kind of way that they are seriously willing to take us all down because they would rather fail than concede that perhaps they are wrong. I can relate, I used to feel that way about Santa. I'd have rather have had no Christmas than acknowledge that he may not exist.
*Yes, I know Rand was a woman, did you see what I did there? Like Bill Parcells and Terry Glenn.

I'm supposed to buy this shit? 2000 years and you can't find one broad to fit the bill? Come on Dave, you must be doing something seriously wrong!

I have had a hard time getting the pump primed lately in regards to this blog. It was easy prior to the election because EVERYTHING was so damned important, and relevant. It feels kind of like the first time you have sex. You wait and wait from the time you first think that intercourse involves sticking something somewhere to where you know how it all seems to just fit together. You have seen the pictures in your Mom's copy of Our Bodies, Our Selves and it looks just peachy. Maybe you got lucky and one of your friend's parents are out for a while and they have got their mitts on a VHS porn. You see how it all moves and works. Then it happens, usually not in the way you dreamed or hoped for. In my case, months of cajoling, threats of going elsewhere, and lies about blue balls finally sealed the deal. Sex ends up being better than you think and you like it just fine. But once it happens that first time, it is over. The anticipation and longing are gone(other than wanting to do it all of the time). I mainly felt relief, like it is finally fucking over. That was the election for me. It got done the way I wanted and now all I want to do is smoke a cigarette and go to sleep. I really admire the bloggers who are constantly updating and writing actual essays rather than the lazy linking I usually rely on. So, I guess what I am trying to say is that even though I lost my proverbial virginity on Election night, I still need to go to class and practice and all that shit. That just made great sense. This was going to be a post about the failed bailout but instead turned into a treatise on how I basically guilt tripped my first girlfriend into sex, and how that is just like blogging.

First!!!!*

Which is Detective Steve McGarrett from the greatest police procedural ever and which is the disgraced governor whose name I can't spell of Illinois? Answers on back.

Good God, No!!

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

One more thing

A few weeks ago I compared Mike McCarthy to Mike Tice. I was wrong. This douche is the worst ever. I am not even going to present as evidence the most unimaginative game plan in history. He sucks because of that, hard. No, I am talking about the challenge that was issued by him when AP scored on the game winning touchdown. First, why does it even matter if he scored or not? He had torched the Pack for almost 200 yards rushing already so why would McCarthy all of a sudden believe that the D could stop him? The Packers needed as much time as they could to drive within field goal range and the Vikes would have just wasted clock. Second, we only had two timeouts left before the challenge. I am unsure of the time left but there was not much. But Rodgers is fail anyway so it would not have mattered. The good thing is that this is only hastening the removal of the entire front office for their idiocy. The most surreal part? There are still people defending this and believing that the team is in good hands.

Favre great. Packers suck. AP , while great, should have been flagged.

(Above picture is approximate way Aaron Rodgers looked on Sunday, all game long. Ironic that Korver is now a Buck.)But it would have been so much sweeter if Favre was just destroying the Packer's last week (Odd writing that sentence). I am sure the Jet's first place standing in a tough division and the Packer's third in the worst division in the history of the NFL, other than the NFC West, is purely coincidental.

My mommy always said there were no monsters - no real ones - but there are.

Truly sorry for the layoff. I have been incapacitated for a bit as I am now in lovely Ames, Iowa, to put cabinets and trim in a Hilton Garden Inn in the employ of Strong Daddy Builders. Oh Sweet Heavens, if only that were the most pressing of my problems between now and next Friday. This may be one of the strangest times of my life , and I may not be the same when this fortnight is over......

I left last Thursday from Green Bay and my young bride to be, Gracie. The trip to Ames lasted almost eight hours. I hate leaving house and blushing betrothed, but working on projects that I have no aptitude for and being bored out of my mind as I am entrusted with virtually nothingof consequence is always a lot of fun. I left with "Ron", a person who I usually room and work with on the job sites. He is about 50, but looks not a day younger than 73, due to a lifetime of having a lit cigarette perpetually hanging on his fingertips. Slow smoker. Announces his arrival and every tenth step by coughing in what can only be described as a quick "bark". Doesn't like to wash his hands after using the toilet. Stands at about 5'6" and weighs in at a robust weight of 140. Usually enjoyable to me as he shares my joy in cannabis culture (if enjoyed responsibly). Oh, there are some unfortunate drawbacks such as "Ron", being an avid hunter, must watch every canned hunt show on the television in your room. He is also a big fan of television involving how shovels are made. Did you know that the only difference between a value shovel and an expensive one is whether a nail or a rivet is used to fasten the blade to the handle? Or the fact that there is always a low, phlegmy gurgle in his throat that makes you want, to simultaneously finish the job he is obviously out to do and wonder if that is your own future if you continue smoking. "Hey Burton!" you say, "why don't you get off your fat ass, stop bitching, and see the great city and campus that the ninth largest city in Iowa has to offer?" To that I say that I agree wholeheartedly, but the days are long, my friend, and the only QUANTUM OF SOLACE is your hotel room, after working all day in a hotel. There are two others as well. A tiny Puerto Rican guy from Milwaukee named "Johnny", who just got out of prison. Funny guy. Lastly the co-owner, or STRONG DADDY, "Neal". "Neal" has a ponytail the length of his back. With no hair on the sides. Those guys are cool.


There is an awful conclusion to this tale. As I stare at my haunted visage in the mirror and realize by my haggard look that I am only delaying the inevitable. I cannot defeat myself. I am writing this so long and so late because, I fear that I must not sleep tonight, or any other again until, or if, I return to my lovely lady in one week's time. Will she still recognize me or will I look entirely different from the happy, carefree man who was only gone for two weeks?


It all began last night. I watched television until midnight and then drifted off to sweet slumber for my sore body. I am positive with every small shred of sanity I have left that the T.V. was turned off. I have spent every night I have gone out on the road with "Ron" and there have never been any incidents of note that had happened previously. Last night, oh no. At about 2:30 I was awakened. As my head cleared I realized there was a figure on my bed. I lay there, dumfounded for what seemed forever. I screamed, then screamed out "Jesus!!!!" Then, the worst use of "Fantasy Finally Put in Action Against KILLER/THING/ALIEN While Just Roused From Sleep" defense ever employed occurred as I flailed my arms pathetically in it's general direction. It was "Ron". Wearing nothing but his underwear. On all fours right next to me. The scariest part. "Ron" just said, "Hey Jack" and kind of chuckled and grabbed the remote next to me as he slithered off my bed. Immediately after, as I lay in bed stockstill and speechless, I wondered if "Ron" wanted to just simply watch T.V. Rather than stand next to the bed, and then reach over me to grab the remote, he thought it best to just climb onto the bed and get it. Plausible. But then the television was never turned on. I know because I was up long afterwards hoping it would be. This morning, no T.V. either when he got up before me as I lay shivering with fear. In fact, the remote was on my side of the night table. This is crazy, this is crazy, this is crazy!

MOAR

Fixed.

Make your time indeed.

They Call Me President Obama!

Fuck Yes.

It Has To Happen.

I wish I could.