Can I get Tea Bagged?

For all these wonderful, patriotic Americans who feel it must be their duty to protest their tax decrease, I have a question? Why the fuck were you not out there for the last eight years when government was growing at an exponential rate? Oh wait, I know the answer. They were Republicans, so that makes it A.O.K. As Matt Taibi wrote, rich people who completely fucked us over can never be the problem, like all good peasants they must prove fealty to their masters. No wonder they are represented so well by Rush Limbaugh and Michelle Bachmann, they need to go back to the dangerous rhetoric that results in cops being murdered by the base. It is all they have. Should be a fun few years.

Pirates!?!?

I think the above scene is what inspired the crew of that American ship to kick ass on the pirates today. With an eerily similar end result.

Guns don't kill people.....

O.K. I have mainly stayed away, in terms of gun violence. I like guns. I think they are pretty cool, for the most part. But here's the deal, they fucking kill people. So, in the past month, there have been a ton of spree killings. Today, some asshole killed 13 people in cold blood for whatever reason. The right wing would have you believe that if only citizenry would be armed to the teeth, this sort of thing would never happen. Fuck that. Here's the reality. In Oakland, California, some punk motherfucker killed four cops. Including two elite SWAT team members. What is Joe Dumb ass gonna do against something like that? So here is the deal: If two highly trained swat members could get capped by some loser who is afraid to go to jail, what would some scared out of shape civilian be able to do against some jackass who is determined to kill everyone they possibly can? I am not even going to link the statistics of other countries that have like, 20 people killed a year by guns. We all know. We in America have way too much gun violence in this country. There is a reason police forces want to have stricter gun control laws here. Guns kill people, especially easily concealable handguns. Today a bunch of innocent people who just wanted to be goddamned Americans got it. When are we going to wake up? Every country that has restrictions on firearms has a significantly lower rate of death from gun violence. Is the U.S. the home of just tiny dicks? Because honestly, I don't see any other reason for this stupid fetish. I have a relative who is a cop who refuses to keep a gun in the home because he knows that it is just too dangerous. I am sick of being nervous every time I go to school that some tiny dicked asshole is gonna be pissed at having a bad grade in whatever and come after me and mine. Oh yeah, gun dicks, if the government ever decides to go after you, your Desert Eagle is gonna have little effect if a Cobra gunship is at your door. Pussies.

Girugamesh Guy, my new best pal?

This seems to be the new meme. Seeing as I had no idea what a meme was until about a week ago, it is all new to me.

The Lobby Wins Again.

I am so glad that U.S. policy is still being decided through the prism of whatever is right for Tel Aviv, is right for us. But this was a big chunk for AIPAC to bite out of, a lot of capital to expend so we do not look at the issue in an evenhanded way. It would be awful if the NIE's kept coming out which support the fact that Iran is not a threat to anyone (like Iraq but they got their wish). They won the battle but the war is going to change. There will be more Chas Freeman's, the Lobby can only obstruct for so long before people start to see what is going on. The Neoconservatives' clock is ticking as we see with this desperate move and they have to know it. Schumer, Emanuel, Lieberman, and The New Republic will have to answer why our interests so often take a back seat to a country that does absolutely nothing for us except stoke intense anger by people who, normally would not give two fucks about us. Thus making our country less safe.

You Were a Baaad Guy in Timecop!

Watch Heat Vision And Jack - Part 2  |  View More Free Videos Online at Veoh.com

R.I.P, Ron Silver. You were my favorite liberal turned "9/11 changed everything" conservative actor. Truly, truly sad.

My Favorite Time of the Year.

Remember how I was all like, "Basketball, what's that?", about two months ago? Well, as the king of hyperbole I seem to have found my bearings again for the season and am in full force. It could be that I am seriously considering not being a Packer fan as the organization is apparently thinking the model for success is the last presidential administration. Which included hiring fucking Ari Fleischer as a consultant during the Favre saga which tells you exactly how they think in regards to splitting the most loyal fan base in the NFL. Or it could be that this is going to be the craziest tournament, ever!!1!1! With the amount of upsets that have already occurred it should be madness. I watched like 80 hours of conference tournaments this weekend so I feel I am ready. Also, have there ever been three #1's from the same conference before?

For the record my Final Four picks are:
-Wake Forest in the Midwest. Louisville is good but I just don't see it. I also hate Pitino's white suit thing he sometimes wears. What an easy sectional(?). Does that mean that Louisville is the number one #1? Bullshit.

-UConn and Marquette would have been great, but both are missing star players so I will go with Memphis in the West, even though they come from the weakest conference ever. Maybe Washington could slip through as well.

-In the East exists the strongest sectional(?) by far. This is where, of course, the Badgers are in and will be drummed out by their Champs Sports bowl opponents in the first game, as usual. They should not even be in the tournament as they are a weak team (speaking of weak conferences). Fuck Duke. I will go with Pitt here but they are known chokers so I feel a ton of ambivalence about it.

-Finally, in the South I may get my wish for a Oklahoma-Carolina match up. If that happens Psycho T. will probably sit out and I don't think the Tarheels' truly best player, Lawson, will be fully healed and so will be dealing with his injury the entire tournament. Which is too bad but the Sooners are coming out of the South. Blake Griffin is the man and I see him just going crazy. They also have a decent point guard who needs to play exceptionally well in order for them to advance.

-Sooners win the whole thing, as I said long ago. I can't wait for Thursday.

Go Mauricio Funes.

Hopefully the good people of my sweet, beloved, Gracie's country get rid of the last dregs of the Reagan era right wing death squads. Reagan was truly a great man and the hundreds of thousands who disappeared in the 80's should be truly grateful, if they weren't dead. Oh yeah, what did Cuba and Venezuela do to us again and why should I be scared?

Well.

I don't know anything much about this Rihanna thing. But if there is any justice in the world, Jay-Z puts a hit out on that motherfucker right quick. Since he seems to be one of the few in the hip hop community to actually be like, "Wrong." Domestic abusers always do it again and the abusees always come back. Usually until the abuser goes to jail, someone finally leaves, or the abusee gets killed. It is a horrible cycle of violence that makes me, deep down on a visceral level, if I actually had a say, which totally is not the appropriate response or thought at all, would be: Rihanna, you are a beautiful young woman and it is so fucking not dumb, but fucking typical to be doing this. Little girls and young women look up to you and I think your actions thus far, at least subconsciously, have given them a feeling of, "It's OK to get my ass beat by a punk ass like that, he really loves me." Which makes this whole thing so goddammed tricky, because it is never that easy to leave, apparently. So she is really just acting like most victims, and that is kind of the saddest part, because it doesn't matter how strong a person may seem to be or actually is. It always seems to follow the same pattern. And please, can one motherfucking celebrity in that community, be it athlete, rapper, comedian, or actor condemn his ass, please? Other than Hova? This is not some "misunderstanding" or "passionate people" deal. (Yeah, I'm looking at you, Kanye.) This is deadly serious and it makes me wonder how often this happens and it is never reported by some of these guys. Like, it probably would not have been that big of a deal if it was Jenny, a random girl, and not Rihanna, a huge pop star.

Bad world right now, gonna be a storm soon.

Oh Boy.

SPOILERS AHEAD FOR THOSE WHO HAVE NOT READ THE COMIC. Or who wants to see the movie unsullied. Aww, who am I kidding, no one reads this anyway.

I am excited for Watchmen, I really am. I just have an overwhelming feeling that this is just like the excitement that I felt in 1999 when a certain little prequel was coming out. Oh, was that a heady time. It was so much fun anticipating and dreaming of how cool it was going to be. My roommates and I went on opening night full of early 20's excitement and walked out almost angry. "How could that loser rape our precious childhood like that?" was the overwhelming feeling. Jar Jar was even worse than the reviews were describing him, and the kid, oh the kid. It was just a really, really bad movie.


Why do I feel the same disturbance in the force about Watchmen? Well, look at the picture above. Look at the actor playing Ozymandias. Sure, he looks like he may be the world's smartest Macaulay Culkin. But does he look like a world class athlete who can easily overpower and kill a professional bad ass like The Comedian(who does look pretty awesome above, but no Gimp mask, ever?)? Or fend off Rorschach in such an aloof, nonchalant, hilarious style near the end? I don't think so! Who I do like: The actors who play The Comedian, Rorschach, both Silk Spectres, and Night Owl II. Fun Fact: Both of the actor's who portrayed NO2 and Rorschach were in the movie Little Children, which is a really good movie. Also, I give props to Snyder that NO2 is still a bit fat.

Continuing on, why does Nite Owl II look like Batman from the George Clooney era? Why does Ozy have nipples on his costume like the same? The costumes are not supposed to be the slick, streamlined outfits that these are. In the comic they look homemade, a little crappy, not form fitted to the body. These look pure Joel Schumacher. Meaning kind of, um, flamboyant? I do, shocking I know, enjoy better the look of both Silk Spectre I and II as represented in the pictures I have seen so far.



Which brings me to this point: Zack Snyder. OK, I liked Dawn of the Dead, at least the beginning. It was a pretty good zombie movie. But let's talk 300, the movie that got him to this point. That barely veiled allegory which all the eliminationist right wingers have orgasms over. For good reason. It was all of their killing brown people in the name of, something, fantasy that they could ever wish for. But it seemed that was the whole point, other than showing off chiseled dude bodies in various modes of undress. I am going to steal a quote from Sarah Silverman, "That movie 300? Turns out, how they got that title was they measured how gay it was on a scale of one to ten." Which is what made the love by the righties so funny. But Arabs (really not-Arabs, I know) were killed in a variety of gruesome ways, and that is always awesome for them. So, there is that.

Finally, I can deal with no squid, I really can.

Oh God, I tried, I really did. I cannot lie, the whole narrative is fucked without it and there is no reason for so many things in the story now.
1. I still don't know how they can tie up why Ozy needs to kill Edward Blake, which sets up the whole "Mask Killer" thing.
2. There would be no island where The Comedian witnesses the "project" being constructed, which piques his interest and where he uncovers the insane plot.
3. Dr. Manhattan is an American asset, strictly American. He has shown allegiance only to the U.S. and its' interests. He may look at humans as inconsequential ants and such but he is still the face of America. I could see him bugging out and heading to Mars if he thought he gave people cancer but no, not destroying cities(?) all over the world.
4. Since Dr. Manhattan is a strictly American asset, why would the USSR, who are on the brink of war with America, ever believe that the blue guy went rogue? Just because his fuck buddy left him and he gave Moloch, that other guy, and Janey cancer? It makes no sense.

Last finally, I really mean it this time. I really hate slow motion filming. Once or twice is fine, but where it makes the entire movie 25 minutes longer because of it? No. I am afraid that this movie will be bad, but I will say the hype and the marketing has been pretty damn good. I guess that is half the fun when one needs a distraction from stress of life and longs for NOSTALGIA of younger days.

If Ben Did What I think he Did.........

"I have to fulfill a promise to an old friend" I hope Desmond kicked his lying ass. I really hope Penny is ok, after all it took for Des to get to her. How many times now has Ben gotten beaten by someone? He better not have, is all I am saying. But Faraday's Mom did say the island was not done with Des, so......That is all.

My Oscar Picks!

Um, since I have only seen Slumdog and the Dark Knight I feel I have as much knowledge on the matter as that host who replaced Ebert on At the Movies. The Dark Knight was only nominated for Best Supporting Actor for Heath Ledger and some other minor stuff so it doesn't really count. Since Madea Goes Wherever wasn't nominated, here are my choices. So for Best Picture: Slumdog! I loved the color, the soundtrack, the actors and did I mention Frida Pinto? The way the story is told through flashbacks is totally amazing. I also dug the host of Indian Millionaire, he was cool as was the Lieutenant in the police scenes. This is the first movie since American Beauty where I had no idea going in what it was about and walked out feeling really, really good.

Best Director: Danny Boyle, who did masterful work with Sunshine, Trainspotting (Begbie!), a movie I did not see, but heard is awesome; Millions, and 28 Days Later (liked the sequel better though, Begbie!).

Best Supporting Actor: Heath Ledger! I didn't see any of the other nominees' movies and I really liked him in Brokeback. That's it. I saw nothing else and I hate wrestling wife beaters of teenage fantasy Guess models. So fuck that guy, and his face hasn't been beaten in enough. Should be fun.

I give up.

Yep, I am sure the top cartoon has absolutely nothing to do with the racist caricature that the cowards have been putting forth for decades. I had a much angrier post in mind but what's the point? They will always be this way and no amount of derision or understanding will change that. A major newspaper showing a shooting of a monkey (Obama is the face of the stimulus package) by two white cops. It is hopeless. It really is. Yes, I am aware an ape was shot yesterday for ripping the hands off of a poor woman. Plausible deniability.

BATTIER!!!!!!!!

Oh man. I read, over the space of the last two days, a pretty good (but very long) article on Chris Battier of the (who knew?) Houston Rockets. I hate to say it, but I am starting to have a grudging respect for him now. He seems to be a defensive stopper and........ah fuck it. I still can't get out of my head the memory of that douchebag my friends and I used to play outdoor basketball with who screamed the title of the post anytime he was near the ball or shooting or breathing. He wore his baseball cap while playing, backwards naturally. I don't think I played enough with him to engender my total annoyance turning into a hard pick where hard feelings are had, but man was he a tool. I am sure one of those tools who never was closer than a thousand miles to Duke but rooted for them anyway as he had to settle for Michigan Tech. The Notre Dame of college basketball, I tell you.

But any way, Battier speaks about how since he was bi-racial the White kids at his school didn't know what to do with him and the Black kids in the hood thought he played White. The article then kind of illustrates that is still kind of the way it is for him in the NBA now. I almost felt, something like pity and understanding. But then I realize he probably makes over 10 mil. a year and can probably spend the whole off season in Jamaica crying his eyes out while having almost no stats, whatsoever. He should have went to Kentucky and then I would probably emphathize more and I would be screaming his name as I took it hard to the hoop, with my hat on backwards.

Generalissimo

No comment really, I just have a vision that Gracie's Abuela will mistake me in a similar way whenever I visit El Salvador.

It Isn't Right Black or White.

I am watching Henry Louis Gates' "African American Lives" right now on PBS. It is a show that traces Black peoples' genealogy throughout their history. He is a preeminent Black historian who just found out he is essentially half white. He is so disappointed at this news. "I have the blues", he laments, "And can I still have the blues?". Because, you see, he is half white and feels he has lost something of himself. He even wonders if he will get only half reparations. Damn fool. Not so much for this show, but for an article I read in Time a few weeks ago. That lame "10 Questions from readers" thing they do. One of the questions was, "Is it right for African-Americans to use the N-Word?" He replies that he has heard Black people saying it since he was young and doesn't have a problem with Black people saying that word. Not offensive at all. But not when a non-Black person uses it. Then it is offensive. Stupid ass. I have heard the arguments, it is like gay people calling themselves faggots and the like, takes away the stigma and all that. Fuck that, I cringe when I hear Black people saying it just as much as when a White person says it. We should be beyond that and it makes people sound really fucking ignorant whenever it is said. Not that I give two shits, but it is also a common lament among the casual racists I have been around for them to complain that, "They can use that word, why can't we?" That should be enough right there. And this guy is the "preeminent" African American historian of our times.

There will be blood.

And probably tears too. I just ordered this a few days ago off of Amazon in it's graphic novel form. I gave up on the whole WW2 aliens book after the second novel because I am too busy with school and they were starting to get monotonous. I enjoyed the historical aspects, but the aliens were too human and too easily outwitted.

This fairly new comic is apparently going to be made into a movie in the next year. It deals with this group of government modified, weaponized and armored pets that are able to speak and kick a ton of ass. But basically it seems to be The Incredible Journey with Ultra Violence. I have a bad feeling it is not going to end well in the non spoiler reviews I have read, as it deals with these poor guys just wanting to get home. Whatever home is to them as they are all former pets and all have the distinct personalities of their species. Meaning, I think, that the cat will be a dick, the rabbit is just clueless, and the puppy just.....wants to be "gud", and return to his human kids. All while the Armed Forces are trying to destroy them to prevent the knowledge of their existence getting out.

Ramble on.

This is my lame "quick thoughts" post. I was clueless to the fact that raging wildfires were such an issue in Australia. Also, a policy there that is basically GTFO or "Good Luck Suckers". That picture above warms my cold, dead heart. But the cynic in me mews that it is probably just Photoshop. Speaking of which, baseball. Nice job, omnipotent union. Awesome, Bud Selig. So I guess the past 10 years didn't happen, huh? Baseball being a numbers game, and all that. The "Game" seems very broken and nobody wants to do anything to clean it up.  I am just waiting for the other (Ken Griffey) shoe to drop as the defenders are losing players to point to as clean. I know! I know! No one was. Not the stars, not the fringe hanging by their fingernails guys, no one. It was an epidemic. How's not having a salary cap working out for you? That is so awesome that the rest of the league is a farm team for the Yankees and Mets. Hard caps mean competitive balance, but why make your sport better, idiots.
I was reading Simmons' last column, and it was pretty good, and yes this is the worst winter ever for Wisconsin sports. No Packers in the playoffs (get used to that, a 3-4 defense with no personnel for it? Really?). Badger football is a joke and will continue to be as long as we have the most overrated coach's minion keeping us in that exciting 1950 style of offense. But what happened to my Bo? I think it maybe has to do with the fact that usually there is a superman (Tucker, Harris, that dude from Australia)surrounded by "hard working", "gritty", "strong motor" guys and that makes for an awesome team. We have plenty of the latter, but Landry is just not an offensive go-to guy, mainly a great defender. But as I was reading the "Sports Guy" list the NBA untradeables, I realized I had no idea who most of these guys were. Maybe it has to do with not having cable. Maybe I soured after the Mavs got totally jobbed in the Finals in '05, and the referee cover up from last year. Maybe I still have a hangover from Lord Football. I was reading the list and I kept having to go to the links to see what team they were on. Like this Granger dude from Indiana, where did he come from to average almost 30 a game? Oh, I didn't even know Jermaine O'Neal(sucker puncher) was no longer on the Pacers, or now for that matter, the Raptors as of today. I haven't seen a Bucks game since they used to be shown locally three years ago. It sucks for me, I know, as the NBA seems to be pretty great now with some unbelievable stars. I also may have to eat my prediction that Kevin Love is going to be fail. He is putting up pretty good numbers in a very hard NBA position.
I really wanted to watch the NC/Duke game. I had to hold my nose and pick root for NC as I watched "Gamecast". I hate Roy Williams and loved how his loaded Kansas teams always underachieved. But there is no way I would ever go for the Notre Dame of college basketball. I am picking Oklahoma to win in the tournament, I hope that they face NC at some point. Would be an excellent game.

Hey Barack, they don't want to play with you. It will never work, Judd Gregg did a Night of the Long Knives on you. To quote the original in Manhunter, "Do you see?" Well, look what has happened every, single, time the Administration has put their hand out in peace. I have said before that they would rather have us eating out of used tins by the train tracks than have a Democrat save the day or have their failed ideology challenged. Teh Repugs keep proving that they take their orders from Rush, and good on them, I guess. They lost, big time, in the elections and they don't seem to realize that, and never will. Only the donkey party willingly plays the battered wife in these scenarios. Can't look like the hostile left, donchaknow. The people want to try something different. The conservatives got every single wish they ever wanted (save for that whole privatization of social security thing, thank Jesus) for the past eight years. That seemed to work well. It will just mean they will never be anything but a facsimile of the Traitors in Defense of Slavery as far as being a strictly regional party. Yes, that's it, just put a black or Indian face in front of the ugly. They really think it is just that easy, don't they? That is telling. But I think Obama is learning, and hopefully is a bit more muscular in his approach from now on. And yes, let's keep throwing money at the banks, and then nationalize. Don't do it now, it might look socialist. Oh noes!!!111!!
Yay! The U.S. is now not the only one with a Lieberman problem. Actually, he is a racist asshole. Loyalty oaths, good stuff. And the kids just love him! Great job, Likud. You won and there it goes, forget peace. I can't wait 'til the natural demographics really make the "only democracy in the Middle East" fun and easy to defend. What are you going to do? Ethnic cleanse through illegal settlements which make an eventual Palestinian state impossible but ensures that the "democracy" continues to remain a Jewish state? Continue the Apartheid? Or horrors I know, actually give equal rights to the Arabs within? I don't know, but make sure you definitely kill another 1000 civilians before the next election again. That showed the Wogs and I am sure created no more "So called Terrorists". (Thanks Helen Thomas, nice question about the nukes, too.)
So, this ends my Old Lady Columnist stream of consciousness post, in honor of Keta Steebs of the Door County Advocate. Mrs. Charles White just celebrated her 75th birthday with three generations this past week. I keep hearing about this "Global Warming", but then why is it so cold?
Update: There is a video. How cool is that?

Even if Universal Health Care is at stake, still not cool.

Daschle, and every other nominee, pay your fucking taxes. I know, it was some obscure thing involving a driver and such, but Jesus Christ. I rip on Joe the Plumber for it and now at least two nominees have been caught up. What happened to "No Drama"? Obama is trying to save the country with a new New Deal and this shit just distracts, but it works on the average voter and taxpayer. You have just given the idiot party the greatest talking point evah, at the worst time, "Just like a liberal, don't pay your own taxes while raising every one else's". Fuck man, that is just stupid.
Update: He gone.
Update II: How about Dr. Howard Dean, or are we still pissing our pants about the Scream? I know he is not such the cozy guy that Daschle is with the legislators, and he only formulated a strategy that made for solid majorities in the House and Senate, but he might know something about health care, also. Daschle had conflict of interest issues all over the place with the company he last worked for, anyway. You think the Repugs would not have brought that up once or twice?

The obligatory.......

Ok, I am a bit conflicted here. Jessica Simpson is now "fat". Even though that is considered pretty normal to us, to celebrity standards it is not. Here is where my issue comes in. Jessica Simpson is pretty much known for nothing except being stupid, having large breasts, and a great body. She is not a singer as evidenced by her having to cross over to country music after having failed the impossible heights of pop. She is not an actress, by any means, as I once had to sit through "Employee of the Month". So what is she now? If a celebrity gets famous from and trades on her body, and obviously wants to continue to remain in the public eye, how is it tasteless to then question her use anymore as a member of that clique when she no longer conforms to that ideal? She wants it both ways. I wholly understand that most any 18-30 year old "hot chick" you see probably could not be that way unless there is a grueling regimen that may borderline on an eating disorder. But that is what the market demands, right? So, why should we celebrate her new found "freedom" to look however she wants? Yes, young girls have impossible role models and that is horrible and sends the wrong message, but she has been marketed to that message, big time. Do we seriously think she would ever have got her foot in the door with her modest talents if she looked as she does now? Basically what I mean is, there are scads of more talented people out there who don't get half the chances that Simpson has, primarily because they are not (as they don't possess a lecherous ex-preacher for a dad) going to make that deal with the devil. This is the inverse of my old theory called the Aniston Paradox: The more famous one becomes, the more skinny they will be as their star rises. It just doesn't work the other way, and I don't know whether that is good or bad as far as selling celebrity is concerned. And expect her to be dumped by the "star" QB at any time now as that is certainly not what he signed up for. She is about 20 years too young to already have the "trophy wife out to pasture" look. What is especially funny is that she is now decrying the critics who are calling her on this but in six months, like Jennifer Love-Hewitt when she was "fat" last year, will be tiny once again to conform to the same standards she now laments.