I am a few days late.*

DO NOT ELECT OBAMBI!!!11!!HE IS MARXIST SOCIALISTWWW.OBAMAUNTRUTHS.NET11!!!NOT A REAL CITIZEN BERG VS OBAMA11!!1HE WEJNT TO HAWAII TO KILL HIS GRANDMA11!!!HE IS INFAVOTR OF DRAFFT MAKES YOU KIDS SIGN UP FOR SELECTRIVE SRVICE!!!111!!!ACORNACORNAYRES ANDWETHERMEN THAT WILL BE RUNNING US111!!HE WILL SPREADTHE WEALTH SOCIALISTTS!!!1SECRETMUSLIMCOMMUNIST'arGGHH bLUFFUT

*In honor of National All caps day.

Northeast Wisconsin is just like Madison.

This is really not supposed to be the Racist! Alert! Blog! But really? Marc Monfort, 18, hung three plywood mannequins outfitted as scarecrows from a tree outside the home where he lives with his mother. The figures have black faces and are hanging from the branches by their necks with rope. A Confederate flag flies in the yard. This occurred in Oconto Falls, which is just across the bay of Green Bay. The city attorney wanted to file disorderly conduct charges. Our hero took them down and put white faces on them. Also removed the flag. The comments in this article are just priceless: "Southern Pride!" and the usual strawman arguments. Again, I know what Southern Pride means, and it is what it is. I should not be but am pleasantly surprised at the reaction in the local media here. I feel conflicted, freedom of speech, but it is offensive, to me.

Shocking.

Are all right wing homosexual haters secretly gay, or just all of them? Add one more to to the list. My questions: Why not only hate yourself and not also try to make sure other gays lives aren't ruined? Is it a power issue? The best part? He was pretty popular in Austria.

B is for Bullshit.

The young woman pictured is a campaign worker for John McCain from Texas by the name of Ashley Todd. Who is now working in the battleground state of Pennsylvania for a phone bank. She alleges that as she was withdrawing money from an ATM she was robbed by a "6'4" Black man (of course). In a quite busy neighborhood surrounded by businesses (it allegedly occurred at 9 p.m.) Who, when he found out she had a McCain sticker on her vehicle, became enraged and started beating her, at the end "etching" a "B" on the side of her face. This must be a man who is very skilled at knife work. He not only barely broke her skin, he also put the B on backwards. Which would lead one to almost think, crazy I know, that there may be some holes here. I have had a few black eyes before, and usually they are accompanied by swelling of some sort. I don't see a lot there. The police were called 40 minutes after the attack. I am no CSI, but methinks that young Ms. Todd is making shit up out of whole cloth. Both McCain and Sarah Palin have called to offer sympathies and kind words. We all know that young people never,ever make things up in terms of fanciful abduction, assault, and robbery stories. Who knows, this may be true and I definitely would be ashamed beyond belief if I am whistling dixie. But something smells here, and this young lady is no Joan de Arc. If this was something that truly happened, you know it would be an "H" scrawled on her face, for Hussein. I am all for the poor, poor conservative college student who just can't handle all the liberal sewage sprayed at them constantly by those ivory tower professors and food handlers. They are just so, persecuted. Freedom Rides were nothing compared to just having to walk to class.
UPDATE 4:00 p.m.: I was right. Race Baiting....I won't say what I want to say. But looking at the right wing blogs it was lynching time.

Hell of being what?

I am watching TV and right now comes on this Ford commercial, showing all of these bright, big pickups, and snow, and driving. They look awesome. They usually have these attractive incentives to buy a new vehicle, like: Free gas for a year!! 0% financing! Free tow on the inevitable breakdown! Now their big promotion is, 100 shares of Ford stock! Yep. How is that even an incentive? Here is what Ford stock is going for today: $2.22. So, if I spend $18,270 - $39,720 on a F-150, I will receive 222.00 (as of today) worth of stock. Yes! I think I would rather have one year of gas. Oh yeah, in 1962, Ford stock was selling for $117.50. Are there rubes out there that believe that this is a good deal? I don't really see it rising all that much in the near future, but maybe this is for really, really long term investments. Like for their Grandkid's Grandkids. (No, I have nothing against Ford, they own Land Rover, after all. I do like Calvin pissing on things.)

Now I learn to cut and paste.

Sadly No! speaks about the Al-Qaeda endorsement today and I will save a click:
THE MAN, BARACK
All right — where is the Al-Qaeda endorsement? The battle of wits has begun. It ends when you decide and the people vote, and we find out who is right and who is dead.

MCCAINZINI
But it’s so simple. All I have to do is divine from what I know of Al-Qaeda. Are they the sort of terrorists who would give a poison endorsement to their own preferred candidate, or their enemy’s?

[He studies THE MAN, BARACK now.]

MCCAINZINI
Now, a clever terrorist would give the endorsement to his own candidate, because he would know that only a great fool would reach for what he was given. I’m not a great fool, so I can clearly not choose the endorsement in front of you. But al-Qaeda must have known I was not a great fool; they would have counted on it, so I can clearly not choose the endorsement in front of me.

THE MAN, BARACK [with a trace of nervousness]
You’ve made your decision then?

MCCAINZINI
Not remotely. Because endorsements come from Australia, as everyone knows. And Australia is entirely peopled with criminals. And criminals are used to having people not trust them, as you are not trusted by me. So I can clearly not choose the endorsement in front of you.

THE MAN, BARACK
Truly, you have a dizzying intellect.

MCCAINZINI
Wait till I get going! Where was I?

THE MAN, BARACK
Australia.

MCCAINZINI
Yes — Australia, and you must have suspected I would have known the endorsement’s origin, so I can clearly not choose the endorsement in front of me.

THE MAN, BARACK [very nervous]
You’re just stalling now.

MCCAINZINI [cackling]
You’d like to think that, wouldn’t you?

[stares at THE MAN, BARACK]

You’ve beaten my Plumber, which means you’re exceptionally un-retarded. So, al-Qaeda could have given the poison endorsement to your candidacy, trusting on your lack of retardation to save you. So I can clearly not choose the endorsement in front of you. But you’ve also bested my Alaskan, which means you must have studied past the third grade. And in studying, you must have learned that man is mortal, so al-Qaeda would have put the poison endorsement as far from your candidacy as possible, so I can clearly not choose the endorsement in front of me.

[As MCCAINZINI's pleasure has been growing throughout, THE MAN, BARACK's has been fast disappearing.]

THE MAN, BARACK
You’re trying to trick me into giving away something — it won’t work –

MCCAINZINI [triumphant]
It has worked — you’ve given everything away — I know where the endorsement is!

THE MAN, BARACK [with fool's courage]
Then make your choice.

MCCAINZINI
I will. And I choose –

[And suddenly he stops, points at something behind THE MAN, BARACK.]

MCCAINZINI
What in the world can that be?

CUT TO:

[THE MAN, BARACK, turning around, looking.]

THE MAN, BARACK
What? Where? I don’t see anything.

CUT TO:

[MCCAINZINI, busily switching the endorsements while THE MAN, BARACK has his head turned.]

MCCAINZINI
Oh, well, I-I could have sworn I saw something. No matter.

[THE MAN, BARACK turns to face him again. MCCAINZINI starts to laugh.]

THE MAN, BARACK
What’s so funny?

MCCAINZINI
I’ll tell you in a minute. First, let’s read — me from my endorsement, and you from yours.

[He picks up his endorsement. THE MAN, BARACK picks up the one in front of him. As they both start to read, MCCAINZINI hesitates a moment. Then, allowing THE MAN, BARACK to go first, he reads his endorsement.]

THE MAN, BARACK
You guessed wrong.

MCCAINZINI [roaring with laughter]
You only think I guessed wrong –

[laughing louder now]

– that’s what’s so funny! I switched endorsements when your back was turned. You fool!

CUT TO:

[THE MAN, BARACK has nothing he can say. He just sits there.]

CUT TO:

[MCCAINZINI, watching him.]

MCCAINZINI
You fell victim to one of the classic blunders. The most famous is, ‘Never get involved in a land war in Iraq.’ But only slightly less well known is this: ‘Never go in against a Republican when power is on the line!’

[He laughs and roars and cackles and whoops and is in all ways quite cheery until his campaign falls over dead.]

[THE MAN, BARACK, steps past the corpse, taking the blindfold and bindings off AMERICUP, who notices MCCAINZINI lying dead. THE MAN, BARACK pulls her to her feet.]

AMERICUP
Who are you?

THE MAN, BARACK
I am no one to be trifled with, that is all you ever need know.

[He starts to lead her off the mountain path into untraveled terrain.]

AMERICUP [a final glance back toward MCCAINZINI]
To think — all that time it was your endorsement that was poisoned.

THE MAN, BARACK
They were both poisoned. I spent the last few years building up an immunity to Republican bullshit.

Ha.

Better late than never.

I send out late congratulations to Paul Krugman, the winner of the 2008 Nobel prize in economics. Man Crush on him. I used to read him all the time in the Minneapolis Star and Crescent and now on the web. I always felt that he explained economics in a very relatable way, and who could ever forget his battle with Bill O'Reilly on CNBC. Bill O. "Why don't you just call Fidel", comes off like the tiny dicked bully he is, and I just want to give Krugman a hug. And he has been proven right, obviously.

You've got a tongue, Dave. Ask her yourself.

"I can see Russia from my house" is the new "I invented the internet". Both are statements that were never uttered by Sarah Palin and Al Gore, respectively. Both are declarations that will follow them around forever. There, that is the only pity I will ever feel for her. She deserves nothing else, with her cute little nose wrinkles as she voices the ugliest grievances and fears of the uninformed. This is why she is such a drag to McCain. Rather than speak of how great their candidate is, McCain's supporters must try to bring out every terrible thing about his opponent. But you see, no one is buying it this time. No one believes it anymore. You can't call someone "Unamerican" or make references to allegiance to terrorists. It worked in 2002, and in 2004, but no longer. People are all for such rhetorical flourishes when the economy is doing well, we are winning wars, and the future looks bright. Those things are no longer in play. People want to feel good again, and I cannot believe that Progressives may have their very own Reagan in Obama. He refuses to stoop to the level of his opponents, in spite of my own screams of,"These Fuckers are swift boating you!" So thank the Flying Spaghetti Monster that I am not his advisor. 12 days left. Oh, and go Steve Kagen.

Thank you, Minneapolis.

No one told me Puffy got arrested for crack possession. I am shocked. He seemed so, wholesome and homery. Wow.

What's in the flask, Egg? Magic potion?

There is actually a political ad running in my area that asks, "Is it OK to give our tax dollars to illegal aliens for free health care?" h/t to Tbogg.

Could you stop rubbing your body up against mine? 'Cause I can't concentrate when you do that.

If more than three people read my meanderings, I would expect to get lambasted for this. These three readers should lambaste me for this. But, why is it that the crazy right winger women are usually pretty attractive? I just don't see a Hillary or Rachel Maddow getting anywhere in right wing circles. I may have just answered my own question here. Do the Righties need a pretty face to talk about their policies, otherwise people would just completely tune it out? Or is teh stupid easier to handle coming out of beauty queen's mouths? Basically, Bachmann called for a resuscitation of HUAC this past Friday and while this resulted in record donations to her opponent, she still will be re-elected. Elizabeth Hasselbach was a goddammed Survivor loser yet there she is, every day on the View, spewing every RNC talking point like the programmed Stepford Wife she is. Michelle Malkin, has written a book on how the internment of Japanese-Americans was just so, awesome, and how we need to think about doing that to Muslim-Americans. Palin, we all know about her. I am not going to talk about Ann Coulter as I believe she and Bill Maher have some sort of weird, over the top bet with each other for atrociousness. And she is not hot. I know that I could find twice as many hot liberal women, but the thing is, they are usually pretty intelligent. They have gotten to where they are by actually knowing the issues and not pandering to the lowest common denominator. But, I am just sexist.

Lo Pan? Which Lo Pan? The little old basket case on wheels or the ten foot tall roadblock?

Al Qaeda and the KKK now endorse John McCain. Um, can Lieberman now kindly shut the fuck up about Hamas? Deputy Dawg. I know what Lieberman is trying to do, but it seems not to be working very well. One thing I don't understand, HOWEVAH, is why there is such a perception that the older Jews won't back Obama. If I recall, historically Jews were at the forefront of the Civil Rights movement in the 50's and 60's. Andrew Goodman and Michael Schwerner were true heroes who gave their lives for that cause, which they did not have to be a part of. Fuck Farakhan, Jeremiah Wright, and Jesse Jackson, they are idiots. My question is, how did the perceived animosity between the two groups (Jews and Blacks) happen?

Why did I even hope?

Apparently, some people have seen a screening for the movie Watchmen, and have reported pretty good things about the movie. Except for the end. I am not going to give any spoilers away but, FUCKNOZZLES, they ruined it. The whole reason for the story. I should have known this would happen when they gave the movie to the director of that mix up of 24, Red Dawn, gay porn, and Abu Ghraib wankfest movie, 300.

What does that mean, huh? "China is here"? I don't even know what the hell that means!

Now that we are going to nationalize the banks, the American auto industry, and the airlines, maybe we could do a little bit about health care, too? After all, it would be nice to, you know, not be the last industrialized nation not to make it a habit to take care of its own.
P.S. Goddammit, the map is too small but the blue on it shows universal coverage, green are countries strongly considering, orange means countries we occupy that we give universal coverage to, and grey means you don't get shit if you are sick and uninsured. The chart shows selected countries per capita expenditures on health care, via

When I win the lottery........

Couldn't there be a way to have fully automatic weapons, only if they were made before 1945? With a special, magical ability not to kill humans, except in that fantasy where you totally defend your home against burglars and rapists?

I am doing all I can to spearhead a Republican landslide.

I know I am tempting fate but I. Just. Can't. Resist. And in defense of that prick, asshole, misogynist, cobag, monkey lover Billy Packer, Kansas did in fact win the game. But still, great for CBS to can him. I at least agree with Simmons that Gus Johnson should hyperventilate more often on air now. Also, I had no idea he was Black until last year. Should we do a Simmonsuesqe (sp?) "Announcers who sound White with ambiguous names that don't help in identifying race?" That's it, I'm gonna be in the Mailbag. I would add Emmitt Smith and Shannon Sharpe to that list, also. Although I am sure it has already been done.

Dwight Schrute must also read AICN.

I am a nerd, a nerdy nerd nerd. Not a geek, no that would be somewhat cool. I am a guy that if I like something I will obsess and obsess, except I never get to "Pan to bush." It does not mean I am smart, oh no, just that I like things that other socially retarded shut-ins like. One thing I like is the site Ain't it Cool News. I have enjoyed going there since like '99. It is basically a fan boy site. I am not a fanboy, I am a nerd. But it talks about cool things like new movies and comic books, and Sarah Connor, which they call SCC, which I never get when they talk about it with those initials. Anywhoo, I read a post about the Twilight book series. Which seems to me to be like Harry Potter with abstinence and horny teen Vampires? Well, the post is about if you can just get chicks into Twilight, you just may get them to like Evil Dead 2. Which in turn may get you laid, somehow. I couldn't quite follow the logic. So they have a comments section, called a Talkback. I love going there because it is a Geek, Nerd, Dork extravaganza, where it is like every stereotype of my kind you can find. The internecine battles are EPIC. So, I was reading the talkbacks and they were discussing the relative merits of the book series and how much it sucks, etc. when I saw the greatest comment ever by SONNYFERN, which was Titled: I hate the whole "beautiful" Vampire thing PERIOD. He/she wrote: "Vampires should be destroyed at all costs. The whole concept of "good" vampires just pisses me off. They aren't beautiful, lonely creatures who are just misunderstood, it suppose to SEEM that way to lure you in...but once you're a vampire, you're a demon..a monster...and I don't give a shit how sad you are...you gotta be stopped. You know what Twilight needs? BLADE! That's right...or even better...Peter Vincent! It's just the fact that my favorite monsters get nuetered and lose what the hell they're suppose to be about. I don't mind different takes on the genre, Near Dark, Coppolas Dracula, but for me...this whole Twilight thing is just a cheesy (and it looks really cheap) lame kind of cliche attempt at something that's been done a billion times before...and you know what's worse than an emo goth vampire? Fucking TEENAGE emo goth vampires...stake them all, squirt them with holy water, throw them in a tub full of garlic and lets get on with our lives huh?" I love this dude/dudette.

You can go off and rule the Universe from beyond the grave... or check into a psycho ward, whichever comes first, huh?

Now, can we put to bed the stupid Myth of "Real Americans"? Or at least what it seems to imply? Because of all the prominent examples that have been shown so far, it seems to be complete bullshit. Joe the Plumber, a man(tax cheat) who even when he buys the business, probably won't clear 250 grand a year in profit. Which means his taxes, which he does not pay, are not going to be raised. Then, after all of this is explained to him, still will vote McCain. Sarah Palin, Hockey Mom, is not exactly curious about the world around her and seems to do and profit from the sorts of things that the Clintons were routinely accused of. I grew up and have worked my whole life with these types of people, and guess what? While most were awesome and really neat, some were scared, ignorant jackasses. I know how these people talk when I'm not around. I know how these people talk when I am around and they think I have a nice tan. Oops. And that is just the way they liked it. No interest whatsoever in the world around them and how it may affect them. They are dreaming of a time that never was. Take all the people who love Treason in Defense of Slavery. They just love that confederate flag and think nothing of the fact that the flag only reappeared in 1964 in defiance of the Civil Rights Act. These are "Real Americans"? They refer to a War of Northern Aggression in which their relatives tried to secede from the Union of the U.S. and then celebrate the idea that their kin stood up for that. Statues and memorials dot the South. Do they not see the incongruities of having such a stance, especially when they want to demonize anyone who they feel is not from the good ol' US? Well, whatever, I think that they are being shown for what they are. But the sad thing is that as the economy gets worse, so will their resentments and anger. And that just sucks, quite frankly, because this is the best country in the world and it just doesn't make sense. And it makes me kind of bummed.

I took something. I can see things other men cannot see. Why are you dressed like that?

So, Colin Powell has endorsed Obama, at the very last second. Yay, what a maverick. Usual suspects saying the usual things. I know, I know, automatically if a Black guy gets nominated for President every Black person in the world must stand behind him, right? Stupid welfare queens. Can't be about the policies of the last eight years, or having Batshit Base Attractor as your running mate. Nope, has to be that they both are Black. Interesting that Zell Miller wasn't vilified for crossing party lines to endorse the fellow White guy, Bush. Hopefully a sensible republican will stand up when this is all over and say to his fellows, (to phrase Hudson) "Hey, maybe you haven't been keeping up on current events, but we just got our asses kicked, pal!" That maybe the people they brought to the dance are not really who they want to dance with. But probably not.
Now back to Powell, I lost a bit of respect for him on February 5, 2003, at the UN. He seems to always have this halo of greatness about him, but when has he ever shown a spine except to stand up to the Clenis to oppose gays in the military? If I knew in a suburb of the Twin Cities that the run up to the war was bullshit how could he not? This reeks to me as a man who is trying to rehabilitate a failed image, and it must be working. My Grandma was just giddy about the endorsement and could not understand my underwhelmed reaction. And I suppose this will help with moderates and undecideds (those self-important assholes) who are still unsure. As usual, Digby has a much better post on why, while this is good and all, it maybe could have been a little sooner. Amongst other things.
UPDATE:I totally forgot, I really should applaud Powell for finally saying what has been an issue to me with all of this "Is he a Muslim?" bullshit. Really, why should it matter? That was brave and it needed to be said, by someone, anyone, everyone.

Ol' Jack always says . . . what the hell.

Alright, so there seems to be a little controversy regarding Brett Favre and the Packers. Like every other time. Do I think that Favre did what is alleged? Probably. Does it make the vindictive, angry side of me happy to see him stick it to the squad that completely fucked him over? Absolutely. My question: Why is everyone retiring to the fainting couch like there is some sort of shock that Favre is still pissed about this? Jebus, he wanted to play for the Vikings, specifically to stick it to the Packers. The biggest rival of the Packers at the moment. And I was excited to have him there, but the Packers made damn sure he was not going there. I wonder why he was not good enough to stay on the team that he made for 16 years, but too good to play for the Vikes? In Packer country here everyone of course is following the Company Line that this is the worst betrayal since Nina Myers was discovered by Teri Bauer trying to escape. That is another thing that bugs me about Packer fans. This unquestioning loyalty to the organization that would rival anybody from Moscow circa. 1932. The way they turned on Favre is just embarrassing. I truly believe the fanbase really doesn't care if the team wins or loses just as long as they can have tailgating, Cheeseheads, and their precious season tickets. If Kamerade Thompson says it, it must be true.(sorry for the mix up between Commie and Nazi allusions). And that just is......frustrating. Get Randy Moss? No way, he can't run anymore. Tony Gonzalez? Too old and not worth a third round pick. The Packers used to do that, take chances on free-agents and make trades for stars. And guess what? We went to Super Bowls, Baby.