One more thing

A few weeks ago I compared Mike McCarthy to Mike Tice. I was wrong. This douche is the worst ever. I am not even going to present as evidence the most unimaginative game plan in history. He sucks because of that, hard. No, I am talking about the challenge that was issued by him when AP scored on the game winning touchdown. First, why does it even matter if he scored or not? He had torched the Pack for almost 200 yards rushing already so why would McCarthy all of a sudden believe that the D could stop him? The Packers needed as much time as they could to drive within field goal range and the Vikes would have just wasted clock. Second, we only had two timeouts left before the challenge. I am unsure of the time left but there was not much. But Rodgers is fail anyway so it would not have mattered. The good thing is that this is only hastening the removal of the entire front office for their idiocy. The most surreal part? There are still people defending this and believing that the team is in good hands.

Favre great. Packers suck. AP , while great, should have been flagged.

(Above picture is approximate way Aaron Rodgers looked on Sunday, all game long. Ironic that Korver is now a Buck.)But it would have been so much sweeter if Favre was just destroying the Packer's last week (Odd writing that sentence). I am sure the Jet's first place standing in a tough division and the Packer's third in the worst division in the history of the NFL, other than the NFC West, is purely coincidental.

My mommy always said there were no monsters - no real ones - but there are.

Truly sorry for the layoff. I have been incapacitated for a bit as I am now in lovely Ames, Iowa, to put cabinets and trim in a Hilton Garden Inn in the employ of Strong Daddy Builders. Oh Sweet Heavens, if only that were the most pressing of my problems between now and next Friday. This may be one of the strangest times of my life , and I may not be the same when this fortnight is over......

I left last Thursday from Green Bay and my young bride to be, Gracie. The trip to Ames lasted almost eight hours. I hate leaving house and blushing betrothed, but working on projects that I have no aptitude for and being bored out of my mind as I am entrusted with virtually nothingof consequence is always a lot of fun. I left with "Ron", a person who I usually room and work with on the job sites. He is about 50, but looks not a day younger than 73, due to a lifetime of having a lit cigarette perpetually hanging on his fingertips. Slow smoker. Announces his arrival and every tenth step by coughing in what can only be described as a quick "bark". Doesn't like to wash his hands after using the toilet. Stands at about 5'6" and weighs in at a robust weight of 140. Usually enjoyable to me as he shares my joy in cannabis culture (if enjoyed responsibly). Oh, there are some unfortunate drawbacks such as "Ron", being an avid hunter, must watch every canned hunt show on the television in your room. He is also a big fan of television involving how shovels are made. Did you know that the only difference between a value shovel and an expensive one is whether a nail or a rivet is used to fasten the blade to the handle? Or the fact that there is always a low, phlegmy gurgle in his throat that makes you want, to simultaneously finish the job he is obviously out to do and wonder if that is your own future if you continue smoking. "Hey Burton!" you say, "why don't you get off your fat ass, stop bitching, and see the great city and campus that the ninth largest city in Iowa has to offer?" To that I say that I agree wholeheartedly, but the days are long, my friend, and the only QUANTUM OF SOLACE is your hotel room, after working all day in a hotel. There are two others as well. A tiny Puerto Rican guy from Milwaukee named "Johnny", who just got out of prison. Funny guy. Lastly the co-owner, or STRONG DADDY, "Neal". "Neal" has a ponytail the length of his back. With no hair on the sides. Those guys are cool.


There is an awful conclusion to this tale. As I stare at my haunted visage in the mirror and realize by my haggard look that I am only delaying the inevitable. I cannot defeat myself. I am writing this so long and so late because, I fear that I must not sleep tonight, or any other again until, or if, I return to my lovely lady in one week's time. Will she still recognize me or will I look entirely different from the happy, carefree man who was only gone for two weeks?


It all began last night. I watched television until midnight and then drifted off to sweet slumber for my sore body. I am positive with every small shred of sanity I have left that the T.V. was turned off. I have spent every night I have gone out on the road with "Ron" and there have never been any incidents of note that had happened previously. Last night, oh no. At about 2:30 I was awakened. As my head cleared I realized there was a figure on my bed. I lay there, dumfounded for what seemed forever. I screamed, then screamed out "Jesus!!!!" Then, the worst use of "Fantasy Finally Put in Action Against KILLER/THING/ALIEN While Just Roused From Sleep" defense ever employed occurred as I flailed my arms pathetically in it's general direction. It was "Ron". Wearing nothing but his underwear. On all fours right next to me. The scariest part. "Ron" just said, "Hey Jack" and kind of chuckled and grabbed the remote next to me as he slithered off my bed. Immediately after, as I lay in bed stockstill and speechless, I wondered if "Ron" wanted to just simply watch T.V. Rather than stand next to the bed, and then reach over me to grab the remote, he thought it best to just climb onto the bed and get it. Plausible. But then the television was never turned on. I know because I was up long afterwards hoping it would be. This morning, no T.V. either when he got up before me as I lay shivering with fear. In fact, the remote was on my side of the night table. This is crazy, this is crazy, this is crazy!

MOAR

Fixed.

Make your time indeed.

They Call Me President Obama!

Fuck Yes.

It Has To Happen.

I wish I could.

I am a few days late.*

DO NOT ELECT OBAMBI!!!11!!HE IS MARXIST SOCIALISTWWW.OBAMAUNTRUTHS.NET11!!!NOT A REAL CITIZEN BERG VS OBAMA11!!1HE WEJNT TO HAWAII TO KILL HIS GRANDMA11!!!HE IS INFAVOTR OF DRAFFT MAKES YOU KIDS SIGN UP FOR SELECTRIVE SRVICE!!!111!!!ACORNACORNAYRES ANDWETHERMEN THAT WILL BE RUNNING US111!!HE WILL SPREADTHE WEALTH SOCIALISTTS!!!1SECRETMUSLIMCOMMUNIST'arGGHH bLUFFUT

*In honor of National All caps day.

Northeast Wisconsin is just like Madison.

This is really not supposed to be the Racist! Alert! Blog! But really? Marc Monfort, 18, hung three plywood mannequins outfitted as scarecrows from a tree outside the home where he lives with his mother. The figures have black faces and are hanging from the branches by their necks with rope. A Confederate flag flies in the yard. This occurred in Oconto Falls, which is just across the bay of Green Bay. The city attorney wanted to file disorderly conduct charges. Our hero took them down and put white faces on them. Also removed the flag. The comments in this article are just priceless: "Southern Pride!" and the usual strawman arguments. Again, I know what Southern Pride means, and it is what it is. I should not be but am pleasantly surprised at the reaction in the local media here. I feel conflicted, freedom of speech, but it is offensive, to me.

Shocking.

Are all right wing homosexual haters secretly gay, or just all of them? Add one more to to the list. My questions: Why not only hate yourself and not also try to make sure other gays lives aren't ruined? Is it a power issue? The best part? He was pretty popular in Austria.

B is for Bullshit.

The young woman pictured is a campaign worker for John McCain from Texas by the name of Ashley Todd. Who is now working in the battleground state of Pennsylvania for a phone bank. She alleges that as she was withdrawing money from an ATM she was robbed by a "6'4" Black man (of course). In a quite busy neighborhood surrounded by businesses (it allegedly occurred at 9 p.m.) Who, when he found out she had a McCain sticker on her vehicle, became enraged and started beating her, at the end "etching" a "B" on the side of her face. This must be a man who is very skilled at knife work. He not only barely broke her skin, he also put the B on backwards. Which would lead one to almost think, crazy I know, that there may be some holes here. I have had a few black eyes before, and usually they are accompanied by swelling of some sort. I don't see a lot there. The police were called 40 minutes after the attack. I am no CSI, but methinks that young Ms. Todd is making shit up out of whole cloth. Both McCain and Sarah Palin have called to offer sympathies and kind words. We all know that young people never,ever make things up in terms of fanciful abduction, assault, and robbery stories. Who knows, this may be true and I definitely would be ashamed beyond belief if I am whistling dixie. But something smells here, and this young lady is no Joan de Arc. If this was something that truly happened, you know it would be an "H" scrawled on her face, for Hussein. I am all for the poor, poor conservative college student who just can't handle all the liberal sewage sprayed at them constantly by those ivory tower professors and food handlers. They are just so, persecuted. Freedom Rides were nothing compared to just having to walk to class.
UPDATE 4:00 p.m.: I was right. Race Baiting....I won't say what I want to say. But looking at the right wing blogs it was lynching time.

Hell of being what?

I am watching TV and right now comes on this Ford commercial, showing all of these bright, big pickups, and snow, and driving. They look awesome. They usually have these attractive incentives to buy a new vehicle, like: Free gas for a year!! 0% financing! Free tow on the inevitable breakdown! Now their big promotion is, 100 shares of Ford stock! Yep. How is that even an incentive? Here is what Ford stock is going for today: $2.22. So, if I spend $18,270 - $39,720 on a F-150, I will receive 222.00 (as of today) worth of stock. Yes! I think I would rather have one year of gas. Oh yeah, in 1962, Ford stock was selling for $117.50. Are there rubes out there that believe that this is a good deal? I don't really see it rising all that much in the near future, but maybe this is for really, really long term investments. Like for their Grandkid's Grandkids. (No, I have nothing against Ford, they own Land Rover, after all. I do like Calvin pissing on things.)

Now I learn to cut and paste.

Sadly No! speaks about the Al-Qaeda endorsement today and I will save a click:
THE MAN, BARACK
All right — where is the Al-Qaeda endorsement? The battle of wits has begun. It ends when you decide and the people vote, and we find out who is right and who is dead.

MCCAINZINI
But it’s so simple. All I have to do is divine from what I know of Al-Qaeda. Are they the sort of terrorists who would give a poison endorsement to their own preferred candidate, or their enemy’s?

[He studies THE MAN, BARACK now.]

MCCAINZINI
Now, a clever terrorist would give the endorsement to his own candidate, because he would know that only a great fool would reach for what he was given. I’m not a great fool, so I can clearly not choose the endorsement in front of you. But al-Qaeda must have known I was not a great fool; they would have counted on it, so I can clearly not choose the endorsement in front of me.

THE MAN, BARACK [with a trace of nervousness]
You’ve made your decision then?

MCCAINZINI
Not remotely. Because endorsements come from Australia, as everyone knows. And Australia is entirely peopled with criminals. And criminals are used to having people not trust them, as you are not trusted by me. So I can clearly not choose the endorsement in front of you.

THE MAN, BARACK
Truly, you have a dizzying intellect.

MCCAINZINI
Wait till I get going! Where was I?

THE MAN, BARACK
Australia.

MCCAINZINI
Yes — Australia, and you must have suspected I would have known the endorsement’s origin, so I can clearly not choose the endorsement in front of me.

THE MAN, BARACK [very nervous]
You’re just stalling now.

MCCAINZINI [cackling]
You’d like to think that, wouldn’t you?

[stares at THE MAN, BARACK]

You’ve beaten my Plumber, which means you’re exceptionally un-retarded. So, al-Qaeda could have given the poison endorsement to your candidacy, trusting on your lack of retardation to save you. So I can clearly not choose the endorsement in front of you. But you’ve also bested my Alaskan, which means you must have studied past the third grade. And in studying, you must have learned that man is mortal, so al-Qaeda would have put the poison endorsement as far from your candidacy as possible, so I can clearly not choose the endorsement in front of me.

[As MCCAINZINI's pleasure has been growing throughout, THE MAN, BARACK's has been fast disappearing.]

THE MAN, BARACK
You’re trying to trick me into giving away something — it won’t work –

MCCAINZINI [triumphant]
It has worked — you’ve given everything away — I know where the endorsement is!

THE MAN, BARACK [with fool's courage]
Then make your choice.

MCCAINZINI
I will. And I choose –

[And suddenly he stops, points at something behind THE MAN, BARACK.]

MCCAINZINI
What in the world can that be?

CUT TO:

[THE MAN, BARACK, turning around, looking.]

THE MAN, BARACK
What? Where? I don’t see anything.

CUT TO:

[MCCAINZINI, busily switching the endorsements while THE MAN, BARACK has his head turned.]

MCCAINZINI
Oh, well, I-I could have sworn I saw something. No matter.

[THE MAN, BARACK turns to face him again. MCCAINZINI starts to laugh.]

THE MAN, BARACK
What’s so funny?

MCCAINZINI
I’ll tell you in a minute. First, let’s read — me from my endorsement, and you from yours.

[He picks up his endorsement. THE MAN, BARACK picks up the one in front of him. As they both start to read, MCCAINZINI hesitates a moment. Then, allowing THE MAN, BARACK to go first, he reads his endorsement.]

THE MAN, BARACK
You guessed wrong.

MCCAINZINI [roaring with laughter]
You only think I guessed wrong –

[laughing louder now]

– that’s what’s so funny! I switched endorsements when your back was turned. You fool!

CUT TO:

[THE MAN, BARACK has nothing he can say. He just sits there.]

CUT TO:

[MCCAINZINI, watching him.]

MCCAINZINI
You fell victim to one of the classic blunders. The most famous is, ‘Never get involved in a land war in Iraq.’ But only slightly less well known is this: ‘Never go in against a Republican when power is on the line!’

[He laughs and roars and cackles and whoops and is in all ways quite cheery until his campaign falls over dead.]

[THE MAN, BARACK, steps past the corpse, taking the blindfold and bindings off AMERICUP, who notices MCCAINZINI lying dead. THE MAN, BARACK pulls her to her feet.]

AMERICUP
Who are you?

THE MAN, BARACK
I am no one to be trifled with, that is all you ever need know.

[He starts to lead her off the mountain path into untraveled terrain.]

AMERICUP [a final glance back toward MCCAINZINI]
To think — all that time it was your endorsement that was poisoned.

THE MAN, BARACK
They were both poisoned. I spent the last few years building up an immunity to Republican bullshit.

Ha.

Better late than never.

I send out late congratulations to Paul Krugman, the winner of the 2008 Nobel prize in economics. Man Crush on him. I used to read him all the time in the Minneapolis Star and Crescent and now on the web. I always felt that he explained economics in a very relatable way, and who could ever forget his battle with Bill O'Reilly on CNBC. Bill O. "Why don't you just call Fidel", comes off like the tiny dicked bully he is, and I just want to give Krugman a hug. And he has been proven right, obviously.

You've got a tongue, Dave. Ask her yourself.

"I can see Russia from my house" is the new "I invented the internet". Both are statements that were never uttered by Sarah Palin and Al Gore, respectively. Both are declarations that will follow them around forever. There, that is the only pity I will ever feel for her. She deserves nothing else, with her cute little nose wrinkles as she voices the ugliest grievances and fears of the uninformed. This is why she is such a drag to McCain. Rather than speak of how great their candidate is, McCain's supporters must try to bring out every terrible thing about his opponent. But you see, no one is buying it this time. No one believes it anymore. You can't call someone "Unamerican" or make references to allegiance to terrorists. It worked in 2002, and in 2004, but no longer. People are all for such rhetorical flourishes when the economy is doing well, we are winning wars, and the future looks bright. Those things are no longer in play. People want to feel good again, and I cannot believe that Progressives may have their very own Reagan in Obama. He refuses to stoop to the level of his opponents, in spite of my own screams of,"These Fuckers are swift boating you!" So thank the Flying Spaghetti Monster that I am not his advisor. 12 days left. Oh, and go Steve Kagen.

Thank you, Minneapolis.

No one told me Puffy got arrested for crack possession. I am shocked. He seemed so, wholesome and homery. Wow.

What's in the flask, Egg? Magic potion?

There is actually a political ad running in my area that asks, "Is it OK to give our tax dollars to illegal aliens for free health care?" h/t to Tbogg.

Could you stop rubbing your body up against mine? 'Cause I can't concentrate when you do that.

If more than three people read my meanderings, I would expect to get lambasted for this. These three readers should lambaste me for this. But, why is it that the crazy right winger women are usually pretty attractive? I just don't see a Hillary or Rachel Maddow getting anywhere in right wing circles. I may have just answered my own question here. Do the Righties need a pretty face to talk about their policies, otherwise people would just completely tune it out? Or is teh stupid easier to handle coming out of beauty queen's mouths? Basically, Bachmann called for a resuscitation of HUAC this past Friday and while this resulted in record donations to her opponent, she still will be re-elected. Elizabeth Hasselbach was a goddammed Survivor loser yet there she is, every day on the View, spewing every RNC talking point like the programmed Stepford Wife she is. Michelle Malkin, has written a book on how the internment of Japanese-Americans was just so, awesome, and how we need to think about doing that to Muslim-Americans. Palin, we all know about her. I am not going to talk about Ann Coulter as I believe she and Bill Maher have some sort of weird, over the top bet with each other for atrociousness. And she is not hot. I know that I could find twice as many hot liberal women, but the thing is, they are usually pretty intelligent. They have gotten to where they are by actually knowing the issues and not pandering to the lowest common denominator. But, I am just sexist.

Lo Pan? Which Lo Pan? The little old basket case on wheels or the ten foot tall roadblock?

Al Qaeda and the KKK now endorse John McCain. Um, can Lieberman now kindly shut the fuck up about Hamas? Deputy Dawg. I know what Lieberman is trying to do, but it seems not to be working very well. One thing I don't understand, HOWEVAH, is why there is such a perception that the older Jews won't back Obama. If I recall, historically Jews were at the forefront of the Civil Rights movement in the 50's and 60's. Andrew Goodman and Michael Schwerner were true heroes who gave their lives for that cause, which they did not have to be a part of. Fuck Farakhan, Jeremiah Wright, and Jesse Jackson, they are idiots. My question is, how did the perceived animosity between the two groups (Jews and Blacks) happen?

Why did I even hope?

Apparently, some people have seen a screening for the movie Watchmen, and have reported pretty good things about the movie. Except for the end. I am not going to give any spoilers away but, FUCKNOZZLES, they ruined it. The whole reason for the story. I should have known this would happen when they gave the movie to the director of that mix up of 24, Red Dawn, gay porn, and Abu Ghraib wankfest movie, 300.