Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Reading Time.

Above is Kanye endorsed.
I should put these in the comments of the last post but I do not know HMlt. Long but interesting article that came out a couple of years ago by a professor from Harvard and one from the University of Chicago about the Lobby, which is not some monolithic thing, nor is it a strictly Jewish thing either. These guys then were destroyed academically, naturally. In terms of Israel, Likud I hate, which most Jews would agree with me on. It is just unfortunate in the last eight years their way of thinking has been encouraged and rewarded. The rest of the world isn't quite so cowed. But they are all anti-semites in Europe, right?

Also, here are some thoughts on the "Blacks made Prop 8 Happen" bullshit that I have heard more than once. You were up against it with the Mormons, people, not the Blacks. They did a lot better at organizing and this should be a learning experience for the next time.

Finally, in a lighter way, I found an article in the NYT about Tom Wolfe, one of my favorites, who pimped his ride. At age 75.

Monday, December 29, 2008

Mandela was a Terrorist, Remember?

I have no internet access at the moment for some unknown reason and won't until they check it out in a week. In a library now. Lots of news out of the Middle East lately. Y'know, if South Africa would have had a lobby like Israel does, they would still have apartheid. ANC/Hamas, same Motherfucking thing. US, who hates the Palestinians (The Kaffir of Israel) for some reason, of course is one sided in the debate. I was in a country bordering South Africa during Apartheid and knew white South Africans. The shit they would say is exactly the same way Israel speaks of their majority "problem". Little wonder they were such great allies during that time. We want Democracy for all nations except when it does not coincide with our highly pro Israel bias. Juan Cole has the shit down pat, and will explain in a non enraged way, like I cannot do. 5000 Palestinians killed since 2001, 1.5 million Gazans denied medical care, food, or any sort of sensible living conditions. Collective punishment, is that legal? Hebron settlers attacking unarmed and innocent Palestinians. Fuck that shit. I don't want to hear shit about rocket attacks that have killed, at most, 50 Israelis since the second Intifada. If one had any sense of history they would see that crushing a civilian population is not the way to go. But Israel has not learned well from their past oppressors. Or maybe too well. Hopefully, someday we as a society can have a meaningful discussion about this without all of the usual cowardly canards thrown up meant to block debate.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Ho


Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays. I love you all.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Suck. On. This.




Really, really great article by Glenn Greenwald at Salon. In it he argues that the same things that we condemn and look to hang people for, we use to "protect the Homeland". We have had worse threats than Islamic Terrorism in our history and I don't quite understand why we threw out our moral high ground for it. I know "24" and the like has made people believe if we just rip out one more fingernail we will stop that ticking bomb. Unfortunately, usually we end up with a lot of useless information since people will tell you anything after a bit of torture. War crimes are war crimes, they have always been committed throughout time to "protect you". Think every despot, tyrant, and Bog Roosh doesn't justify it the same way? I am not so naive to think this is a new phenomenon in our history but I don't think that we should continue a practice that only makes us look like what we are trying to destroy. Wait, what!?!! J. Lo and Skeletor might be getting divorced? Fuck, what was I talking about again?

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

These things actually exist?




OMG, OMG how could I have gone almost 15 years without hearing about this? I had heard of the "Where the South Won" books by Turtledove but I had no interest in that garbage. But aliens attacking, right in the middle of WWII by Turtledove? So that everyone has to bind together to fight reptilians? How come I had never heard of this? I am waiting my turn at the library as we speak for the first one. There are seven in the series. This is like a dream come true. But one question that I am wondering about; What of the German and Russian Holocausts and how are they addressed? I guess it doesn't matter when the aliens finally come. I can't wait. Very cool artwork that I stole from here.

They don't give out black belts to things that are stupid.




Is Arod Arod? Once again, the Packers have a chance to win the game at the end, with over two minutes left to go. I already knew what was coming, and of course I was not disappointed. For the second week in a row and fourth time this season. Rodgers throws an interception to seal the game. Seven games the Packers have a chance to come back, seven times they were unable to do it. Due to the ineptness that starts somewhere around ten minutes left in the fourth quarter. I am constantly bombarded by how great Aaron Rodgers stats are, but yet we are 5-9. I am constantly reminded that the defense constantly lets the team down, but the only starters in the Pro Bowl are Nick Collins and Charles Woodson, defensive players. I see Rodgers yelling at his receivers like that pussy Dan Marino. I see players fighting each other like teams that have been consistent losers for years. That is the future. I have come to be convinced that Rodgers is the Rodriguez of the NFL. Great stats when it doesn't matter, disappears completely when it does. I have been scoffed at with the sneer of, "Who threw the interception that kept us out of the Super Bowl?" while there is no mention of Plexico Burress making Al Harris his bitch and the offense running the ball only 13 times in -45 degree weather. The only thing I am waiting for now is the inevitable defeat in the final game of the season against the 0-15 Lions. There is no doubt that is going to happen. But I am sure the fan base will react with the same apathy and blind devotion to Daddy that they always do. A fan base that I once argued was the most football savvy in the league. I was wrong. They are only rooting for laundry.

Monday, December 15, 2008

No one could have predicted.


Well, I guess torture was official policy. A few bad apples, huh? I like the strategy of completely losing any credibility whatsoever. That should not create any long term security issues. Who cares what anyone thinks about us. It's kind of funny that India can show more restraint against a hated rival (who were actually behind the massacre, unlike Iraq) than the "beacon of the world". I guess I'm just glib.

Maybe throw shoes at these, too.

Um, that is a camel spider that is indigenous to the Middle East. That would seem to be the real WMD. They also bite, which makes a wound too big to stitch as it would create an air bubble under the skin.

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Three.

That is the current number of black coaches in D1 football. Auburn, when faced with hiring a new coach actually took a look at Turner Gill, who took a program at Buffalo that wasn't even playing football not so long ago to prominence. But instead took the safe choice (for the alumni) and hired a coach, Gene Chizik, who was 5-19 during his tenure at Iowa State. Fucking cowards, all. It will never change no matter what anyone says or does. Even if a black coach is given a chance his leash will be substantially shorter than a white coach (Ray Rhodes, anyone?). Update: Apparently there are four black coaches in D1. Oops, I take back everything now. The problem for Auburn wasn't neccessarily that Gill is black, it was that he is married to a white woman. Oh, that makes it all better now.

Saturday, December 13, 2008

Jesus is back!


I read an interesting post here that is about the hype machine Tebow. Watching the SEC title game last weekend was nauseating. "Bronco Nagurski!". "Red Grange (oh really?)". "Best college player ever!" I think I understand better now when all the haters rip Madden, Peter King, etc. for Tebagging Favre. Except for the most wins, yards, touchdowns, comebacks, and MVP's part. All without a credible go-to guy. Yeah, totally overrated. But anyway, the article makes the case, correctly, that not only is Tebow not the best college QB ever, he probably is not even the best in the last 30 years. Tommy Frazier was a wee bit better, and he never won the Heisman. Tebow scores mostly from three yards or less. He is a horrible passer (I know, who throws a lot of TD's, from the one yard line.) But he is a good Christian man who circumcises poor children in other countries. What!??!! Why is that a virtue? It is a purely religious act (on his part, at least) that is completely unnecessary in terms of health of a person. I am all for circumcision (for dudes) but don't act like he is all of a sudden preventing malnutrition and third world disease. I am sure he is a great guy and teammate. I just hate that he is somehow held up as the greatest thing ever because he is basically a fullback who is great at short yardage sneaks and spreads the Word. The Heisman is a total joke now as it has evolved from an award to the best player in the nation to now where it is given to the best QB on the best team. What really blows is that for the past month I have had very little other than a passing interest in the college game because there is nothing exciting about its postseason. Boy, I wonder what they could show in the month between the end of the season and the title game? Certainly not what all divisions in college football except D1 or whatever they call themselves these days are up to. That would take these student-athletes out of class during their winter break. These dumbasses are really not thinking very long term about the game. Fuck The BCS.
Update: Dammit, it is early and I am an idiot. Tebow is not even the best QB this decade. Vince Young had the best game I have ever seen in the title game against USC with Leinart, Lendale, and Bush. He had 200 yards rushing and over 200 passing against what many felt was the best college team ever. He should have won the Heisman in 'O5, not Eric Metcalfe, I mean Reggie Bush. I love the ESPN/ABC Hype machine.

Interesting presser.


President To Face Down Monster Attack, Own Demons In Action-Packed Schedule
This would probably be a better alternative than what is really going to happen to the country.

Right up to your face and dis you!



Whenever I talk to a person of right leaning ways, I ask them if they would have supported the Civil Rights Act of 1964. Without fail they always say, "Of course I would have." They are always talking about how they are the party of Lincoln and how they freed the slaves. Which is of course so false it is laughable. The point I am trying to make here is this: These assholes, in 30 years, are going to be saying the same thing about Gay Marriage. Of course they would have been for it. I saw Jon Stewart interview Mike Huckabee (who is far more dangerous than Palin, IMO) and basically fillet all of his offensive arguments this week. Stewart rightly kept bringing up segregation and how that position was bolstered by religious types and the like. Huckabee tried to put forward that 60% of the country is against gay marriage. I bet in the height of the Civil Rights struggle public opinion was against it, as well. Probably more than 60%. Which is why ballot initiatives need to be off the table. If Civil Rights were put to that sort of thing, I doubt I would exist right now. That is why there is a Judicial branch. Sometimes the right thing to do is not the most popular thing at the time it is decided. I just hope we all remember what these assholes are trying to deny people, once again, rights most take for granted. So when they try to say in the future how they felt it was right to allow gays to get married I get to punch them in
their smug faces. I was for that the whole time.

He don't suffer fools.

Maybe Obama is being quiet on the Blagojevich issue because he has nothing to fucking say. Jesus Christ, it is 1998 all over again. It is almost like the last eight years of illegal war, showing indifference, at best, to prevent the largest terror attack in our history, outing secret agents for political gain, letting a major US city drown, doing nothing to forestall an economic disaster, pissing all over the Constitution, and completely dismantling the social safety net never happened. Those are small issues compared to blowjobs and land deals, amirite? OMG, Emanuel may have talked to Blagojevich, at one time, in the last 20 years. How could we ever trust again, what we will tell the children? Impeachment time, bitches.

Where a kid can be a kid?


I went to Chuck E. Cheese last week with Gracie and her niece and nephew for some pizza and fun, fun, fun. The place is a bit different than the last time I had been there approximately 20 years ago. I remember the first time I went, when it was Showbiz, and that place rocked. I was seven and it was located in Milwaukee. It was wall to wall arcade games and teenagers, who at that time were the coolest ever. It also may have been just gray with cigarette smoke, if I remember right. It was the best overstimulation a young boy could have. I played that game where you drive a moon rover and jumped over craters all night. It was great. A few years later, Showbiz turned into Chuck E. Cheese and the next time I went at 10 in GB, it had totally changed. There were only about 10 games and they were like, "Barbie's Dream Party." and "Constructively Solve Conflict." WTF? So, we all went and had a good time but I noticed something a bit disturbing other than no more Rockafire Explosion. While Grace and I were standing by the bowling game, watching the kids throw the ball into the lane five rows over, I saw that virtually every other adult was madly playing every game where tickets could be had. For their kids. So that they could get a more valuable worthless plastic trinket. We saw adults walking around with 20 foot long chains of tickets. It seems that is not the biggest issue at the CEC. Again, what the fuck? At the risk of getting all Andy Rooney on your ass, I really hate this new parenting style that is occurring all around me. It is very, weird and scary with all the helicoptering and "new discoveries". It is not even any more about, "All kids get a trophy." This is, "My kid is the best and I don't care if I have to cheat to make it so." All these poor children are going to grow up acting like they have goddamned Asperger's syndrome because of their stupid, overprotective parents. Dorks.

Quit bitin'!

I am no fan of Joe Klein, at all. In fact I think he has a spot right next to Judith Miller and Tom "6 months" Friedman in the journalist section of my "American Heroes" museum. But this week in Time he seems to be stealing my greatest post ever. The difference? I didn't need to go to motherfucking Afghanistan to see that we are not going to um, succeed in any of the vague objectives we didn't set out to to achieve. Again, anyone care to define what a "win" there is to me? One specific thing that I heavily, heavily disagree with Klein about in this article is his ideas on what it would take to turn it around (which cannot be done, he argues against himself earlier in the story). That is opium interdiction. Just like the drug war, you cannot stop trafficking anywhere unless you come up with the magical ability to stop demand from the countries illegal drugs are going to. No amount of Drugs=terrorist commercials are going to do that, only Merlin.

Friday, December 12, 2008

Fuck Ayn Rand(and his little bitch Greenspan, as well)*




The experiment failed. You free market, laissez faire motherfuckers had it just the way you dreamed for the last decade, maybe since 1980. Epic fail. I thought the market was like, so dreamy and perfect. I thought it was self regulating and corrected itself. The market is nothing like that big, bloated, waste of resources called government. Yeah, government sucks, until it bails your asses out so you can do the exact same thing again, with zero consequences. The government keeps doing all of these corporate stimulus packages to help these failures. Most economists are like, "Yeah, do this and watch the market go high as a kite." The market is still Shit City. Guess what, it was a catastrophe and you took us all down with you. I heard a couple months ago how the market average is "still higher than it was in 1998". What does that even mean? Oh, and how high is it now? But, but," you say, "It was all the fault of the banks giving loans to people who should not have them." I know what that argument is about, so I will give you lending to Blacks and how that 2-3% of loans brought the mortgage industry down. It had nothing to with an artificially high bubble whose only hope lay with the continued stupidity of people who thought that their investment could only get even more false value. But then I throw down the repeal of Glass-Steagall. Maybe letting investment banks and commercial banks do the same thing is not such a good idea, with the robbing Peter to pay Paul analogies. Regulations? Fuck 'em. We don't want to affect the market. Like it is living and breathing. Like it gives a flying fuck about anything. The market ain't so grand now, huh? No tax cuts for the Rich? Fuck 'em. I may get rich someday and I certainly don't want to get taxed like I used to be, harummph. Besides, wealth trickles down, right? They won't hire anyone if they have to pay too much in taxes. Um, I don't see a lot of hiring happening lately. The failed Big 3 bailout. Fuck 'em. What the Fuck? Ok, at first I was all like, "Ha ha, you fucking assholes that make 73.00 an hour to make a horrible product, invisible hand, Friedman, blah, blah, blah, you get what you deserve." Then I got past all of the bullshit, starting with the 73.00 dollar claim. God bless conservative think tanks. Where would we ever get misleading facts and figures from if not from these enemies of well, everything that does not directly benefit themselves? That dollar figure factors in a variety of ways. No one is taking home 73.00 per hour working on the line, I don't care if you have worked at Ford since the first Model T. The actual take home, at best, is 55.00 dollars an hour. Which is pretty great, but then you see the average at Honda or Toyota is 45.00 an hour using the same calculations. Fucking unions are ruining it for us all, with their fair retirement plans and wanting health care for the workers they represent. John Galt never got sick. I have neither the inclination or the "pay grade"(my favorite cop out both the old and new president have fell on) to get into how our excellent, efficient, and affordable private health care system is affecting that number. This whole thing was about busting unions in the north. Those are the two biggest bete noires of the right wing. Two birds with one stone. The southern lawmakers see Toyota and Honda putting more and more non-union plants there if Detroit fails. Which is further irony, seeing that those two were the ones who smartly made decisions as to what the product would be that actually anticipated forces beyond a year. Which actually means jobs which means the lawmakers can actually say they have done something policy wise, other than stop Adam and Steve. Why would they help people who do not vote for them, meaning the union workers in the north? It is now a regional party, of the south. This is punishment for making the GOP that way. Busting unions is a close second or equal to bombing Muslims, for them. I just find it so funny that the Big 3 gave so much in contributions to the GOP and this is the thanks they get. If it didn't send us further into the Depression I would be rolling. The right wing idealogy has been disproven again and again, on paper or as we now see, the real world. It just is hilarious in a I'm stabbing myself kind of way that they are seriously willing to take us all down because they would rather fail than concede that perhaps they are wrong. I can relate, I used to feel that way about Santa. I'd have rather have had no Christmas than acknowledge that he may not exist.
*Yes, I know Rand was a woman, did you see what I did there? Like Bill Parcells and Terry Glenn.

I'm supposed to buy this shit? 2000 years and you can't find one broad to fit the bill? Come on Dave, you must be doing something seriously wrong!


I have had a hard time getting the pump primed lately in regards to this blog. It was easy prior to the election because EVERYTHING was so damned important, and relevant. It feels kind of like the first time you have sex. You wait and wait from the time you first think that intercourse involves sticking something somewhere to where you know how it all seems to just fit together. You have seen the pictures in your Mom's copy of Our Bodies, Our Selves and it looks just peachy. Maybe you got lucky and one of your friend's parents are out for a while and they have got their mitts on a VHS porn. You see how it all moves and works. Then it happens, usually not in the way you dreamed or hoped for. In my case, months of cajoling, threats of going elsewhere, and lies about blue balls finally sealed the deal. Sex ends up being better than you think and you like it just fine. But once it happens that first time, it is over. The anticipation and longing are gone(other than wanting to do it all of the time). I mainly felt relief, like it is finally fucking over. That was the election for me. It got done the way I wanted and now all I want to do is smoke a cigarette and go to sleep. I really admire the bloggers who are constantly updating and writing actual essays rather than the lazy linking I usually rely on. So, I guess what I am trying to say is that even though I lost my proverbial virginity on Election night, I still need to go to class and practice and all that shit. That just made great sense. This was going to be a post about the failed bailout but instead turned into a treatise on how I basically guilt tripped my first girlfriend into sex, and how that is just like blogging.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

First!!!!*




Which is Detective Steve McGarrett from the greatest police procedural ever and which is the disgraced governor whose name I can't spell of Illinois? Answers on back.

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Good God, No!!

So, what finally brings me out of hibernation this fine winter day to finally post again? There is so much going on right now. Mumbai? The Horror of Iowa State? The way the Obama cabinet is filled with (wholly expected) disappointment? If I wanted pro-AIPAC people and dudes who got us into the financial mess we are now in, I would have voted for McCain. Aaron Rodgers turning into Brett Favre, except for all of the awesome, only the game ending interceptions? Here is what is ruining, nay, destroying my fortress of solitude. Yep, They Live is being remade. Everyone knows how I feel about John Carpenter, and how he is unparalleled in terms of horror/social commentary/soundtrack composing. I know, The Thing was a remake but it actually was more true to the original short story from 1938 (which is a pretty chilling read), Who Goes There? Remakes are ball sucking usually. Perfect example, The Departed. Fucking Jack Nicholson chewing scenery and shit. Goddamn, Infernal Affairs was so much better and the two leads in that one were a hell of a lot more convincing. Remakes, gah. I don't know, are they going to keep the line, "I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass... and I'm all out of bubblegum."? Or the amazing, wearying five minute battle royale between Rowdy Roddy and Keith David? No, because it cannot be done. Or redone, more accurately. That would just sound and look foolish, because it was foolish the first time. The reason it worked was Rowdy Roddy was such a dingbat and you could actually imagine this idiot discovering the horrible secret. As well as his usually befuddled reactions. Would the Rock or some other wrestler be able to pull that off? Why not just rerelease the original? The themes of a populace lulled to sleep by rampant consumerism and constant media bombardment still will hold up in these modern times. I also would not look forward to the inevitable "Oakley", or "Ray Ban" product placement that would occur. Shit. Not this one, you bastards. Oh, and I hate youtube with all the kids with all of my heart. Seriously, it really makes me want to blow my brains out just looking at all the comments. Excuse the weird 2001 era System of a Down. Also sorry for the disjointed (like it's different, ever) writing style. I am a bit out of practice.
UPDATE 12-13: I should not rip the picks that are happening right now as we speak as I am made to look foolish when scientists are actually picked for the FIRST TIME to actually head science departments. I am an idiot.

Saturday, November 15, 2008

One more thing


A few weeks ago I compared Mike McCarthy to Mike Tice. I was wrong. This douche is the worst ever. I am not even going to present as evidence the most unimaginative game plan in history. He sucks because of that, hard. No, I am talking about the challenge that was issued by him when AP scored on the game winning touchdown. First, why does it even matter if he scored or not? He had torched the Pack for almost 200 yards rushing already so why would McCarthy all of a sudden believe that the D could stop him? The Packers needed as much time as they could to drive within field goal range and the Vikes would have just wasted clock. Second, we only had two timeouts left before the challenge. I am unsure of the time left but there was not much. But Rodgers is fail anyway so it would not have mattered. The good thing is that this is only hastening the removal of the entire front office for their idiocy. The most surreal part? There are still people defending this and believing that the team is in good hands.

Favre great. Packers suck. AP , while great, should have been flagged.



(Above picture is approximate way Aaron Rodgers looked on Sunday, all game long. Ironic that Korver is now a Buck.)But it would have been so much sweeter if Favre was just destroying the Packer's last week (Odd writing that sentence). I am sure the Jet's first place standing in a tough division and the Packer's third in the worst division in the history of the NFL, other than the NFC West, is purely coincidental.

Friday, November 14, 2008

My mommy always said there were no monsters - no real ones - but there are.


Truly sorry for the layoff. I have been incapacitated for a bit as I am now in lovely Ames, Iowa, to put cabinets and trim in a Hilton Garden Inn in the employ of Strong Daddy Builders. Oh Sweet Heavens, if only that were the most pressing of my problems between now and next Friday. This may be one of the strangest times of my life , and I may not be the same when this fortnight is over......

I left last Thursday from Green Bay and my young bride to be, Gracie. The trip to Ames lasted almost eight hours. I hate leaving house and blushing betrothed, but working on projects that I have no aptitude for and being bored out of my mind as I am entrusted with virtually nothingof consequence is always a lot of fun. I left with "Ron", a person who I usually room and work with on the job sites. He is about 50, but looks not a day younger than 73, due to a lifetime of having a lit cigarette perpetually hanging on his fingertips. Slow smoker. Announces his arrival and every tenth step by coughing in what can only be described as a quick "bark". Doesn't like to wash his hands after using the toilet. Stands at about 5'6" and weighs in at a robust weight of 140. Usually enjoyable to me as he shares my joy in cannabis culture (if enjoyed responsibly). Oh, there are some unfortunate drawbacks such as "Ron", being an avid hunter, must watch every canned hunt show on the television in your room. He is also a big fan of television involving how shovels are made. Did you know that the only difference between a value shovel and an expensive one is whether a nail or a rivet is used to fasten the blade to the handle? Or the fact that there is always a low, phlegmy gurgle in his throat that makes you want, to simultaneously finish the job he is obviously out to do and wonder if that is your own future if you continue smoking. "Hey Burton!" you say, "why don't you get off your fat ass, stop bitching, and see the great city and campus that the ninth largest city in Iowa has to offer?" To that I say that I agree wholeheartedly, but the days are long, my friend, and the only QUANTUM OF SOLACE is your hotel room, after working all day in a hotel. There are two others as well. A tiny Puerto Rican guy from Milwaukee named "Johnny", who just got out of prison. Funny guy. Lastly the co-owner, or STRONG DADDY, "Neal". "Neal" has a ponytail the length of his back. With no hair on the sides. Those guys are cool.


There is an awful conclusion to this tale. As I stare at my haunted visage in the mirror and realize by my haggard look that I am only delaying the inevitable. I cannot defeat myself. I am writing this so long and so late because, I fear that I must not sleep tonight, or any other again until, or if, I return to my lovely lady in one week's time. Will she still recognize me or will I look entirely different from the happy, carefree man who was only gone for two weeks?


It all began last night. I watched television until midnight and then drifted off to sweet slumber for my sore body. I am positive with every small shred of sanity I have left that the T.V. was turned off. I have spent every night I have gone out on the road with "Ron" and there have never been any incidents of note that had happened previously. Last night, oh no. At about 2:30 I was awakened. As my head cleared I realized there was a figure on my bed. I lay there, dumfounded for what seemed forever. I screamed, then screamed out "Jesus!!!!" Then, the worst use of "Fantasy Finally Put in Action Against KILLER/THING/ALIEN While Just Roused From Sleep" defense ever employed occurred as I flailed my arms pathetically in it's general direction. It was "Ron". Wearing nothing but his underwear. On all fours right next to me. The scariest part. "Ron" just said, "Hey Jack" and kind of chuckled and grabbed the remote next to me as he slithered off my bed. Immediately after, as I lay in bed stockstill and speechless, I wondered if "Ron" wanted to just simply watch T.V. Rather than stand next to the bed, and then reach over me to grab the remote, he thought it best to just climb onto the bed and get it. Plausible. But then the television was never turned on. I know because I was up long afterwards hoping it would be. This morning, no T.V. either when he got up before me as I lay shivering with fear. In fact, the remote was on my side of the night table. This is crazy, this is crazy, this is crazy!

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

MOAR

Fixed.

Make your time indeed.

They Call Me President Obama!


Fuck Yes.

It Has To Happen.


I wish I could.

Sunday, October 26, 2008

I am a few days late.*

DO NOT ELECT OBAMBI!!!11!!HE IS MARXIST SOCIALISTWWW.OBAMAUNTRUTHS.NET11!!!NOT A REAL CITIZEN BERG VS OBAMA11!!1HE WEJNT TO HAWAII TO KILL HIS GRANDMA11!!!HE IS INFAVOTR OF DRAFFT MAKES YOU KIDS SIGN UP FOR SELECTRIVE SRVICE!!!111!!!ACORNACORNAYRES ANDWETHERMEN THAT WILL BE RUNNING US111!!HE WILL SPREADTHE WEALTH SOCIALISTTS!!!1SECRETMUSLIMCOMMUNIST'arGGHH bLUFFUT

*In honor of National All caps day.

Saturday, October 25, 2008

Northeast Wisconsin is just like Madison.

This is really not supposed to be the Racist! Alert! Blog! But really? Marc Monfort, 18, hung three plywood mannequins outfitted as scarecrows from a tree outside the home where he lives with his mother. The figures have black faces and are hanging from the branches by their necks with rope. A Confederate flag flies in the yard. This occurred in Oconto Falls, which is just across the bay of Green Bay. The city attorney wanted to file disorderly conduct charges. Our hero took them down and put white faces on them. Also removed the flag. The comments in this article are just priceless: "Southern Pride!" and the usual strawman arguments. Again, I know what Southern Pride means, and it is what it is. I should not be but am pleasantly surprised at the reaction in the local media here. I feel conflicted, freedom of speech, but it is offensive, to me.

Friday, October 24, 2008

Shocking.




Are all right wing homosexual haters secretly gay, or just all of them? Add one more to to the list. My questions: Why not only hate yourself and not also try to make sure other gays lives aren't ruined? Is it a power issue? The best part? He was pretty popular in Austria.

B is for Bullshit.


The young woman pictured is a campaign worker for John McCain from Texas by the name of Ashley Todd. Who is now working in the battleground state of Pennsylvania for a phone bank. She alleges that as she was withdrawing money from an ATM she was robbed by a "6'4" Black man (of course). In a quite busy neighborhood surrounded by businesses (it allegedly occurred at 9 p.m.) Who, when he found out she had a McCain sticker on her vehicle, became enraged and started beating her, at the end "etching" a "B" on the side of her face. This must be a man who is very skilled at knife work. He not only barely broke her skin, he also put the B on backwards. Which would lead one to almost think, crazy I know, that there may be some holes here. I have had a few black eyes before, and usually they are accompanied by swelling of some sort. I don't see a lot there. The police were called 40 minutes after the attack. I am no CSI, but methinks that young Ms. Todd is making shit up out of whole cloth. Both McCain and Sarah Palin have called to offer sympathies and kind words. We all know that young people never,ever make things up in terms of fanciful abduction, assault, and robbery stories. Who knows, this may be true and I definitely would be ashamed beyond belief if I am whistling dixie. But something smells here, and this young lady is no Joan de Arc. If this was something that truly happened, you know it would be an "H" scrawled on her face, for Hussein. I am all for the poor, poor conservative college student who just can't handle all the liberal sewage sprayed at them constantly by those ivory tower professors and food handlers. They are just so, persecuted. Freedom Rides were nothing compared to just having to walk to class.
UPDATE 4:00 p.m.: I was right. Race Baiting....I won't say what I want to say. But looking at the right wing blogs it was lynching time.

Hell of being what?



I am watching TV and right now comes on this Ford commercial, showing all of these bright, big pickups, and snow, and driving. They look awesome. They usually have these attractive incentives to buy a new vehicle, like: Free gas for a year!! 0% financing! Free tow on the inevitable breakdown! Now their big promotion is, 100 shares of Ford stock! Yep. How is that even an incentive? Here is what Ford stock is going for today: $2.22. So, if I spend $18,270 - $39,720 on a F-150, I will receive 222.00 (as of today) worth of stock. Yes! I think I would rather have one year of gas. Oh yeah, in 1962, Ford stock was selling for $117.50. Are there rubes out there that believe that this is a good deal? I don't really see it rising all that much in the near future, but maybe this is for really, really long term investments. Like for their Grandkid's Grandkids. (No, I have nothing against Ford, they own Land Rover, after all. I do like Calvin pissing on things.)

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Now I learn to cut and paste.



Sadly No! speaks about the Al-Qaeda endorsement today and I will save a click:
THE MAN, BARACK
All right — where is the Al-Qaeda endorsement? The battle of wits has begun. It ends when you decide and the people vote, and we find out who is right and who is dead.

MCCAINZINI
But it’s so simple. All I have to do is divine from what I know of Al-Qaeda. Are they the sort of terrorists who would give a poison endorsement to their own preferred candidate, or their enemy’s?

[He studies THE MAN, BARACK now.]

MCCAINZINI
Now, a clever terrorist would give the endorsement to his own candidate, because he would know that only a great fool would reach for what he was given. I’m not a great fool, so I can clearly not choose the endorsement in front of you. But al-Qaeda must have known I was not a great fool; they would have counted on it, so I can clearly not choose the endorsement in front of me.

THE MAN, BARACK [with a trace of nervousness]
You’ve made your decision then?

MCCAINZINI
Not remotely. Because endorsements come from Australia, as everyone knows. And Australia is entirely peopled with criminals. And criminals are used to having people not trust them, as you are not trusted by me. So I can clearly not choose the endorsement in front of you.

THE MAN, BARACK
Truly, you have a dizzying intellect.

MCCAINZINI
Wait till I get going! Where was I?

THE MAN, BARACK
Australia.

MCCAINZINI
Yes — Australia, and you must have suspected I would have known the endorsement’s origin, so I can clearly not choose the endorsement in front of me.

THE MAN, BARACK [very nervous]
You’re just stalling now.

MCCAINZINI [cackling]
You’d like to think that, wouldn’t you?

[stares at THE MAN, BARACK]

You’ve beaten my Plumber, which means you’re exceptionally un-retarded. So, al-Qaeda could have given the poison endorsement to your candidacy, trusting on your lack of retardation to save you. So I can clearly not choose the endorsement in front of you. But you’ve also bested my Alaskan, which means you must have studied past the third grade. And in studying, you must have learned that man is mortal, so al-Qaeda would have put the poison endorsement as far from your candidacy as possible, so I can clearly not choose the endorsement in front of me.

[As MCCAINZINI's pleasure has been growing throughout, THE MAN, BARACK's has been fast disappearing.]

THE MAN, BARACK
You’re trying to trick me into giving away something — it won’t work –

MCCAINZINI [triumphant]
It has worked — you’ve given everything away — I know where the endorsement is!

THE MAN, BARACK [with fool's courage]
Then make your choice.

MCCAINZINI
I will. And I choose –

[And suddenly he stops, points at something behind THE MAN, BARACK.]

MCCAINZINI
What in the world can that be?

CUT TO:

[THE MAN, BARACK, turning around, looking.]

THE MAN, BARACK
What? Where? I don’t see anything.

CUT TO:

[MCCAINZINI, busily switching the endorsements while THE MAN, BARACK has his head turned.]

MCCAINZINI
Oh, well, I-I could have sworn I saw something. No matter.

[THE MAN, BARACK turns to face him again. MCCAINZINI starts to laugh.]

THE MAN, BARACK
What’s so funny?

MCCAINZINI
I’ll tell you in a minute. First, let’s read — me from my endorsement, and you from yours.

[He picks up his endorsement. THE MAN, BARACK picks up the one in front of him. As they both start to read, MCCAINZINI hesitates a moment. Then, allowing THE MAN, BARACK to go first, he reads his endorsement.]

THE MAN, BARACK
You guessed wrong.

MCCAINZINI [roaring with laughter]
You only think I guessed wrong –

[laughing louder now]

– that’s what’s so funny! I switched endorsements when your back was turned. You fool!

CUT TO:

[THE MAN, BARACK has nothing he can say. He just sits there.]

CUT TO:

[MCCAINZINI, watching him.]

MCCAINZINI
You fell victim to one of the classic blunders. The most famous is, ‘Never get involved in a land war in Iraq.’ But only slightly less well known is this: ‘Never go in against a Republican when power is on the line!’

[He laughs and roars and cackles and whoops and is in all ways quite cheery until his campaign falls over dead.]

[THE MAN, BARACK, steps past the corpse, taking the blindfold and bindings off AMERICUP, who notices MCCAINZINI lying dead. THE MAN, BARACK pulls her to her feet.]

AMERICUP
Who are you?

THE MAN, BARACK
I am no one to be trifled with, that is all you ever need know.

[He starts to lead her off the mountain path into untraveled terrain.]

AMERICUP [a final glance back toward MCCAINZINI]
To think — all that time it was your endorsement that was poisoned.

THE MAN, BARACK
They were both poisoned. I spent the last few years building up an immunity to Republican bullshit.

Ha.

Better late than never.


I send out late congratulations to Paul Krugman, the winner of the 2008 Nobel prize in economics. Man Crush on him. I used to read him all the time in the Minneapolis Star and Crescent and now on the web. I always felt that he explained economics in a very relatable way, and who could ever forget his battle with Bill O'Reilly on CNBC. Bill O. "Why don't you just call Fidel", comes off like the tiny dicked bully he is, and I just want to give Krugman a hug. And he has been proven right, obviously.

You've got a tongue, Dave. Ask her yourself.


"I can see Russia from my house" is the new "I invented the internet". Both are statements that were never uttered by Sarah Palin and Al Gore, respectively. Both are declarations that will follow them around forever. There, that is the only pity I will ever feel for her. She deserves nothing else, with her cute little nose wrinkles as she voices the ugliest grievances and fears of the uninformed. This is why she is such a drag to McCain. Rather than speak of how great their candidate is, McCain's supporters must try to bring out every terrible thing about his opponent. But you see, no one is buying it this time. No one believes it anymore. You can't call someone "Unamerican" or make references to allegiance to terrorists. It worked in 2002, and in 2004, but no longer. People are all for such rhetorical flourishes when the economy is doing well, we are winning wars, and the future looks bright. Those things are no longer in play. People want to feel good again, and I cannot believe that Progressives may have their very own Reagan in Obama. He refuses to stoop to the level of his opponents, in spite of my own screams of,"These Fuckers are swift boating you!" So thank the Flying Spaghetti Monster that I am not his advisor. 12 days left. Oh, and go Steve Kagen.

Thank you, Minneapolis.

No one told me Puffy got arrested for crack possession. I am shocked. He seemed so, wholesome and homery. Wow.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

What's in the flask, Egg? Magic potion?

There is actually a political ad running in my area that asks, "Is it OK to give our tax dollars to illegal aliens for free health care?" h/t to Tbogg.

Could you stop rubbing your body up against mine? 'Cause I can't concentrate when you do that.





If more than three people read my meanderings, I would expect to get lambasted for this. These three readers should lambaste me for this. But, why is it that the crazy right winger women are usually pretty attractive? I just don't see a Hillary or Rachel Maddow getting anywhere in right wing circles. I may have just answered my own question here. Do the Righties need a pretty face to talk about their policies, otherwise people would just completely tune it out? Or is teh stupid easier to handle coming out of beauty queen's mouths? Basically, Bachmann called for a resuscitation of HUAC this past Friday and while this resulted in record donations to her opponent, she still will be re-elected. Elizabeth Hasselbach was a goddammed Survivor loser yet there she is, every day on the View, spewing every RNC talking point like the programmed Stepford Wife she is. Michelle Malkin, has written a book on how the internment of Japanese-Americans was just so, awesome, and how we need to think about doing that to Muslim-Americans. Palin, we all know about her. I am not going to talk about Ann Coulter as I believe she and Bill Maher have some sort of weird, over the top bet with each other for atrociousness. And she is not hot. I know that I could find twice as many hot liberal women, but the thing is, they are usually pretty intelligent. They have gotten to where they are by actually knowing the issues and not pandering to the lowest common denominator. But, I am just sexist.

Lo Pan? Which Lo Pan? The little old basket case on wheels or the ten foot tall roadblock?

Al Qaeda and the KKK now endorse John McCain. Um, can Lieberman now kindly shut the fuck up about Hamas? Deputy Dawg. I know what Lieberman is trying to do, but it seems not to be working very well. One thing I don't understand, HOWEVAH, is why there is such a perception that the older Jews won't back Obama. If I recall, historically Jews were at the forefront of the Civil Rights movement in the 50's and 60's. Andrew Goodman and Michael Schwerner were true heroes who gave their lives for that cause, which they did not have to be a part of. Fuck Farakhan, Jeremiah Wright, and Jesse Jackson, they are idiots. My question is, how did the perceived animosity between the two groups (Jews and Blacks) happen?

Why did I even hope?




Apparently, some people have seen a screening for the movie Watchmen, and have reported pretty good things about the movie. Except for the end. I am not going to give any spoilers away but, FUCKNOZZLES, they ruined it. The whole reason for the story. I should have known this would happen when they gave the movie to the director of that mix up of 24, Red Dawn, gay porn, and Abu Ghraib wankfest movie, 300.

What does that mean, huh? "China is here"? I don't even know what the hell that means!



Now that we are going to nationalize the banks, the American auto industry, and the airlines, maybe we could do a little bit about health care, too? After all, it would be nice to, you know, not be the last industrialized nation not to make it a habit to take care of its own.
P.S. Goddammit, the map is too small but the blue on it shows universal coverage, green are countries strongly considering, orange means countries we occupy that we give universal coverage to, and grey means you don't get shit if you are sick and uninsured. The chart shows selected countries per capita expenditures on health care, via

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

When I win the lottery........





Couldn't there be a way to have fully automatic weapons, only if they were made before 1945? With a special, magical ability not to kill humans, except in that fantasy where you totally defend your home against burglars and rapists?

I am doing all I can to spearhead a Republican landslide.


I know I am tempting fate but I. Just. Can't. Resist. And in defense of that prick, asshole, misogynist, cobag, monkey lover Billy Packer, Kansas did in fact win the game. But still, great for CBS to can him. I at least agree with Simmons that Gus Johnson should hyperventilate more often on air now. Also, I had no idea he was Black until last year. Should we do a Simmonsuesqe (sp?) "Announcers who sound White with ambiguous names that don't help in identifying race?" That's it, I'm gonna be in the Mailbag. I would add Emmitt Smith and Shannon Sharpe to that list, also. Although I am sure it has already been done.

Monday, October 20, 2008

Dwight Schrute must also read AICN.

I am a nerd, a nerdy nerd nerd. Not a geek, no that would be somewhat cool. I am a guy that if I like something I will obsess and obsess, except I never get to "Pan to bush." It does not mean I am smart, oh no, just that I like things that other socially retarded shut-ins like. One thing I like is the site Ain't it Cool News. I have enjoyed going there since like '99. It is basically a fan boy site. I am not a fanboy, I am a nerd. But it talks about cool things like new movies and comic books, and Sarah Connor, which they call SCC, which I never get when they talk about it with those initials. Anywhoo, I read a post about the Twilight book series. Which seems to me to be like Harry Potter with abstinence and horny teen Vampires? Well, the post is about if you can just get chicks into Twilight, you just may get them to like Evil Dead 2. Which in turn may get you laid, somehow. I couldn't quite follow the logic. So they have a comments section, called a Talkback. I love going there because it is a Geek, Nerd, Dork extravaganza, where it is like every stereotype of my kind you can find. The internecine battles are EPIC. So, I was reading the talkbacks and they were discussing the relative merits of the book series and how much it sucks, etc. when I saw the greatest comment ever by SONNYFERN, which was Titled: I hate the whole "beautiful" Vampire thing PERIOD. He/she wrote: "Vampires should be destroyed at all costs. The whole concept of "good" vampires just pisses me off. They aren't beautiful, lonely creatures who are just misunderstood, it suppose to SEEM that way to lure you in...but once you're a vampire, you're a demon..a monster...and I don't give a shit how sad you are...you gotta be stopped. You know what Twilight needs? BLADE! That's right...or even better...Peter Vincent! It's just the fact that my favorite monsters get nuetered and lose what the hell they're suppose to be about. I don't mind different takes on the genre, Near Dark, Coppolas Dracula, but for me...this whole Twilight thing is just a cheesy (and it looks really cheap) lame kind of cliche attempt at something that's been done a billion times before...and you know what's worse than an emo goth vampire? Fucking TEENAGE emo goth vampires...stake them all, squirt them with holy water, throw them in a tub full of garlic and lets get on with our lives huh?" I love this dude/dudette.

You can go off and rule the Universe from beyond the grave... or check into a psycho ward, whichever comes first, huh?


Now, can we put to bed the stupid Myth of "Real Americans"? Or at least what it seems to imply? Because of all the prominent examples that have been shown so far, it seems to be complete bullshit. Joe the Plumber, a man(tax cheat) who even when he buys the business, probably won't clear 250 grand a year in profit. Which means his taxes, which he does not pay, are not going to be raised. Then, after all of this is explained to him, still will vote McCain. Sarah Palin, Hockey Mom, is not exactly curious about the world around her and seems to do and profit from the sorts of things that the Clintons were routinely accused of. I grew up and have worked my whole life with these types of people, and guess what? While most were awesome and really neat, some were scared, ignorant jackasses. I know how these people talk when I'm not around. I know how these people talk when I am around and they think I have a nice tan. Oops. And that is just the way they liked it. No interest whatsoever in the world around them and how it may affect them. They are dreaming of a time that never was. Take all the people who love Treason in Defense of Slavery. They just love that confederate flag and think nothing of the fact that the flag only reappeared in 1964 in defiance of the Civil Rights Act. These are "Real Americans"? They refer to a War of Northern Aggression in which their relatives tried to secede from the Union of the U.S. and then celebrate the idea that their kin stood up for that. Statues and memorials dot the South. Do they not see the incongruities of having such a stance, especially when they want to demonize anyone who they feel is not from the good ol' US? Well, whatever, I think that they are being shown for what they are. But the sad thing is that as the economy gets worse, so will their resentments and anger. And that just sucks, quite frankly, because this is the best country in the world and it just doesn't make sense. And it makes me kind of bummed.

I took something. I can see things other men cannot see. Why are you dressed like that?


So, Colin Powell has endorsed Obama, at the very last second. Yay, what a maverick. Usual suspects saying the usual things. I know, I know, automatically if a Black guy gets nominated for President every Black person in the world must stand behind him, right? Stupid welfare queens. Can't be about the policies of the last eight years, or having Batshit Base Attractor as your running mate. Nope, has to be that they both are Black. Interesting that Zell Miller wasn't vilified for crossing party lines to endorse the fellow White guy, Bush. Hopefully a sensible republican will stand up when this is all over and say to his fellows, (to phrase Hudson) "Hey, maybe you haven't been keeping up on current events, but we just got our asses kicked, pal!" That maybe the people they brought to the dance are not really who they want to dance with. But probably not.
Now back to Powell, I lost a bit of respect for him on February 5, 2003, at the UN. He seems to always have this halo of greatness about him, but when has he ever shown a spine except to stand up to the Clenis to oppose gays in the military? If I knew in a suburb of the Twin Cities that the run up to the war was bullshit how could he not? This reeks to me as a man who is trying to rehabilitate a failed image, and it must be working. My Grandma was just giddy about the endorsement and could not understand my underwhelmed reaction. And I suppose this will help with moderates and undecideds (those self-important assholes) who are still unsure. As usual, Digby has a much better post on why, while this is good and all, it maybe could have been a little sooner. Amongst other things.
UPDATE:I totally forgot, I really should applaud Powell for finally saying what has been an issue to me with all of this "Is he a Muslim?" bullshit. Really, why should it matter? That was brave and it needed to be said, by someone, anyone, everyone.

Ol' Jack always says . . . what the hell.


Alright, so there seems to be a little controversy regarding Brett Favre and the Packers. Like every other time. Do I think that Favre did what is alleged? Probably. Does it make the vindictive, angry side of me happy to see him stick it to the squad that completely fucked him over? Absolutely. My question: Why is everyone retiring to the fainting couch like there is some sort of shock that Favre is still pissed about this? Jebus, he wanted to play for the Vikings, specifically to stick it to the Packers. The biggest rival of the Packers at the moment. And I was excited to have him there, but the Packers made damn sure he was not going there. I wonder why he was not good enough to stay on the team that he made for 16 years, but too good to play for the Vikes? In Packer country here everyone of course is following the Company Line that this is the worst betrayal since Nina Myers was discovered by Teri Bauer trying to escape. That is another thing that bugs me about Packer fans. This unquestioning loyalty to the organization that would rival anybody from Moscow circa. 1932. The way they turned on Favre is just embarrassing. I truly believe the fanbase really doesn't care if the team wins or loses just as long as they can have tailgating, Cheeseheads, and their precious season tickets. If Kamerade Thompson says it, it must be true.(sorry for the mix up between Commie and Nazi allusions). And that just is......frustrating. Get Randy Moss? No way, he can't run anymore. Tony Gonzalez? Too old and not worth a third round pick. The Packers used to do that, take chances on free-agents and make trades for stars. And guess what? We went to Super Bowls, Baby.

Oh my god. What is that? Don't tell me!



Sorry for the absence, I just had to do a long haul the past week which involved a PS2, some fine Green(and a little gold), and copious amounts of Dairy Queen Pumpkin Pie blizzards. Oh man, those are tasty. I have a clear head and a lot on it, so I will go nuts this week.
OK, you all know good ol' Jack Burton is not very happy with his team playing professional football in Northeast Wisconsin right now. I have been firmly in the Favre camp always and I felt the team handled his dismissal very poorly. It just is really very strange to see Favre in a different uniform and I still can't wrap my head around it. Considering how bad the start was for the Packers and how well Favre had played (until yesterday, that is), my predictions of a 4-12 season seemed to be on the mark. I also figured my least favorite player-"OOH look, a new product, maybe we should get this not at all photogenic, awkward in a Michael Phelps sort of way choker to endorse it, fuck it, endorse everything!"- of all time coming to town would show just how far we have fallen.
I was wrong, and it never felt so good. Something like the enemy of my enemy is my friend sort of deal here. It was perfect. You had all the patented Manning hits: Screaming at teammates for not catching passes two yards in the dirt in front of them, check. Screaming at the refs after throwing interception for TD, check. Sitting on the bench away from all his teammates with that awesome thousand yard stare and pouting, double check. It was all here and it was FABULOUS! (Said in my best fey falsetto). I still am angry at management and I think our head coach may be channeling Mike Tice for boneheaded play calling, but any day that Manning gets his face on is a good day for me.

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Maybe they're saying "Moose".


Although, it is Philly.
Dammit, it seems Tbogg and probably anyone else who has seen a Cowboys game in the 1990's has beat me to the punch, and much funnier as well.

Saturday, October 11, 2008

Time for the "Talk"

Really? A couple days ago I received an email from the Obama campaign with that title as the header. And it totally depressed me. Basically, it is an entreaty to young supporters to talk to their older relatives about why they should put aside their fear of the "Schvartes" and see that the scary Black man is here to help them and not steal their purses. It includes a form email and basic talking points people should use when trying to get their older relatives to do something I thought I would never see in my lifetime, vote for a Black man in the Presidential race. It is kind of depressing because it seems that is what some people have to do. Everyone has seen the scary rhetoric of the past week at the McCain rallies. It is kind of naive of me to find this disturbing, especially since these people are saying these things in the Midwest, not the Dirty South. But I do. It seems Obama is comfortably in the lead but the theory of the Bradley Effect is in the back of my mind. So much so that I initially dismissed Obama precisely because I thought the country was not yet ready for this. I did not want to see how ugly it could get. I don't live in the most Progressive area so it wouldn't surprise me at all if a lot of people I know feel this way around here and would be happy to show it if/when McCain comes back. Thankfully, it seems most people are rejecting that sort of thing. But I have friends who have some not so enlightening stories of parents and relatives who have said and done some pretty horrible things vis-a-vis dating and casual racism. In my own family we are not immune to that sort of thing. Even Sarah Silverman has made a video on how the youngs need to go Florida to convince their Grandparents to vote for the Big O. Not to put too much into who I think Obama is, but maybe this is sort of like what JFK had to deal with regarding his Catholicism? Do I think the ignorance and stupidity is enough to overcome the lead that Obama has gained? No, but I also think with a savvier VP pick by McCain and the lack of a worldwide economic collapse (which was caused by giving loans to the Blacks and Mexicans, BTW), we might be looking at a much closer election than we may have in three weeks. And...... I just jinxed it.

Thursday, October 9, 2008

Well sure it was a war. And anybody that showed up was gonna join Lem Lee in the Hell Of Being Cut To Pieces.


Hey you all know ol' Jack is no historian. But I've seen enough shit with my own two peeps to kind of get a feel for the lay of the land, if you know what I mean. I don't know if you have heard, but over in Afghanistan it is all basically going to shit, and it has been for the last couple of years. We all know why; took our eyes off the ball, should never have went to Iraq, relied too much on airstrikes, blah, blah, blah. I mean, what is ultimately the endgame there? We are never going to get Bin Laden, he is going to just die of old age or kidney failure sometime. Besides, he is probably on the border in Pakistan anyway. And that is definitely not a hornets nest we will ever conceive of sticking our peens into. Poppy seed production and harvest was at the highest level ever in 2007. This year, because of drought, farmers being persuaded (for now) to grow alternative crops, and most of those crops being pot, are reasons why the harvest might be marginally lower. The drug money fuel the insurgency, which isn't really an insurgency, because would you want Brazilian troops running all over the good ol' US? Some would be OK, probably. But I digress. What are we, and NATO, gonna do? What is the best case scenario? Total victory and a western style Democracy, the ultimate Bill Kristol neocon wet dream? Cause that sure ain't happening (that is only for Iraq, Iran, and ahem, other gulf states) The Taliban is coming, and they are not going to be stopped. A surge will not work, just like it didn't in Iraq. (more like a successful ethnic cleanse of the Sunni's is what happened.) So, what should we do?
Give it to 'em. Let them have it. No, not just withdraw with our tails between our legs and be all pussy about it, not like that. Talk to them, tell them that OBL is just some motherfucking rich asshole from Saudi Arabia who is just going to cause them more grief. Play up the fact that from '79 to '89 we were like, BFF's, remember how cool that was? We helped kick out Ivan from their country and all that shit. Reagan was so fucking awesome, no blowback thought there, right? John Rambo even came by to help out. Remind them of that. Cause you know what, we just are never going to win a war of attrition with these guys. Be all like, "We kicked your ass, you guys are starting to beat ours, can't we work this shit out?" Have Karzai retire to whatever luxury flat he was living at in London, with all that fine British 'tang, and stay there. 'Cause he can't leave the capitol city of Kabul right now, in fact, very few people in leadership can. NATO (ie; us) needs to find the strongest, biggest warlord there and just bribe the shit out of him to strong arm a few other warlords and secretly get to a table somewhere. Yeah, losing those Buddhist giant statues sucked, but you know what, who really gives a fuck? Shit happens, you don't see a lot of old-timey Indian artifacts erected around here anymore, right? Tell them that we will continue to fund them, AS long as it is not funding to blow up buildings in the states, which they did not do any ways. In regards to all the women that will go back to being chattel if we leave, what are they now? Six years later they still can't go to school, and if they do, their whole family dies. Along with the teacher, too. What did we expect, miniskirts and bikinis? OK, I did, but HELLO, only Burqas and bad fiction about kites. Vietnam obviously wasn't the next domino, it turned out all right with us leaving, and so will Afghanistan.
So really, just let it go. There is no more talk of a Northern Alliance, or of finding that leader of the Taliban, Omar Epps or whatever. Our best option, and this sucks because, like everyone else, I have a wall sized poster of The tearful Eagle over the Towers, is just to punt. Make deals and GTFO. I know, I know, we were all fucking dumbasses six years ago, we won't make deals with terrorists and all that Tom Clancy shit. Fuck pride. How do you want it? With some honor or finally when NATO says "Screw you guys, I'm goin' home."? And if someone else starts shit somewhere else, we will go there for six years and accomplish fuck all, too. But it is time to just let it be. Declare victory, try to set up the most moderate Talibani government, and leave.

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Jack Burton's in for some serious trouble and you're in for some serious fun.


So, we just plopped 500 bucks down at this lodge in Green Bay for a deposit for THE WEDDING. Not the whole cost, Oh God no. This is just to get our foot in the door and make sure we can have the date we wanted. Hopefully, the dollar is still around in May, and if not we will have the damn wedding on the flat bed trailer pulled by the Porkchop Express. Hopefully, it won't be like The Road where that will be a little difficult to pull off. But it would be kind of cool if the coming apocalypse was more like World War Z. That's a doomsday I can get behind. Oh yeah, Gracie's on the left.

Monday, October 6, 2008

Real American Heroes








Does any one wonder why I worry about the time between now and November 4? This is what the Repubs are all about, always. Cowards who go to the the eliminationist well, but usually with more sophisticated code language and dogwhistles. But, they are panicked, and scared, and cannot comprehend how a lowly boy could possibly beat a White man. Cannot wrap their lizard brains around it at all. Expect it to get worse, a lot worse.